When Life is Just Sooo Hard

Sometimes the circumstances we are in are just so difficult and we don’t see any way out.

Maybe your ex-spouse is not paying child support or alimony owed to you. 

Maybe they are harassing you in some way. 

Maybe your adult children have asked you not to contact them. 

Maybe your boss is obviously playing favorites and you were passed over for the much anticipated (and needed) promotion. 

Here’s the deal: 

Sometimes the circumstances in our lives are just hard. 

Sometimes they’re not fair. 

And sometimes they really, really hurt.  

Our lives are not meant to be void of these types of difficult circumstances. 

In fact, it is in these types of circumstances that we have our greatest opportunities for growth. 

This doesn’t mean that we take a Pollyanna-ish viewpoint of the world. 

It doesn’t mean we pretend they don’t exist. 

What it does mean, is that we learn to accept the circumstance for what it is. 

And we stop resisting it. 

This doesn’t mean we love it, or that we would choose it. 

It also doesn’t mean that we condone others’ behavior or that we’re glad they are acting the way they are. 

It means we accept it for what it is.  

It will still be painful. 

We won’t love it. 

But we won’t be doubling down on the difficult emotion by fighting against it. 

Byron Katie says, “When we fight against reality, we will lose 100% of the time.’ 

Sometimes circumstances happen, and they’re hard, but fighting against it doesn’t change it. 

It just makes our experience within the circumstance even harder than it needs to be. 

I really struggled with this concept when I first heard it. 

I thought, in some strange way, that it meant I had to be responsible for everything and everyone. 

But the truth is really that it liberates me from being responsible for everyone else’s behavior. 

And it puts me entirely responsible for creating my own experience. 

I get to show up exactly how I want, regardless of the circumstance, and I can let go of how other people are showing up. 

When I accept that they are showing up exactly how they are showing up, my experience gets easier. 

A huge part of our challenge is not accepting the reality of how others show up. 

And we may not like how they show up.

But we don’t have any control over it. 

Learning to accept them and how they show up and focus only on how I show up can be tough. 

This shift most likely won’t happen overnight, and to be honest, there’s a good chance you won’t even notice the circumstances where you are resisting how others show up. 

This is the power of coaching – you have someone else helping you see it and learn to step into your own responsibility. 

My coaches have helped me redirect in this arena more times than I can count. 

And every time it helps me feel better.

Want to learn more about this?

Check out this podcast:

 

#266 When It's Not Your Fault

On Apple         On Spotify