Stop Shoulding On Yourself
Do you ever wonder why you sometimes feel stuck?
It might come from a space of 'shoulding' yourself.
If you're a regular here, you're most likely a person who moves forward and gets things done and solves problems.
But sometimes, when we become aware of a particular flaw, it can become easy to become overly focused on our negative behavior and we can spend way too much time thinking about what we 'should' have done instead.
This is how it can show up:
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'I should have known better.'
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'I should have figured it out by now.'
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'I shouldn't say things like that.'
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I shouldn't still be struggling with this.'
Being stuck shows up in these places because these thoughts are all focusing on our deficit.
Here's how 'should' thinking keeps us stuck:
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It focuses on our past, something we no longer have any control over.
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It is problem focused and not solution focused.
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It puts us in a place of victim rather than hero.
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It often blames someone or something else.
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It feels productive because our brain has a way of thinking that berating ourselves with guilt or shame will help us move forward, when in actuality, it keeps us stuck.
We stay stuck because 'should' thinking prevents our brain from looking for solutions.
So what's a 'should' thinking mind to do?
Practice focusing on what is, rather than on what we think it 'should' be.
Identify the problem in factual language, stand back and look at it in context, and then ask:
'Now what?'
I promise your brain will be able to come up with an answer.
Every time a client tells me, 'I don't know,' I just ask them what their brain would say if they did know.
And they always have some ideas of how to move forward.
'Shoulding' ourselves continues to keep us stuck in a place of 'not enough.'
Looking at what is helps to move us out of stuck and more into the person we really want to become.
So this week, practice dropping the 'shoulds' not only for yourself, but for everyone else in your life.
This small shift in thinking awareness will pay huge dividends toward getting you unstuck.
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