Growing Kinda Hurts
I have two young adult daughters who love me desperately, and who also love to tease me.
When someone acts in a way that we could raise our eyebrows at, to mock me one of them will say in a very sing-songy voice, “They’re doing the best they can with the tools they have.”
And then we all laugh and end up finishing with me saying, “It’s true.”
They’ve heard me say this so many times in the past that it’s become a little cliché, but I love that they know I believe this.
The belief that people are doing the best they can with the tools they have is one of my favorite thoughts.
When I believe this about people it doesn't change them - it changes me.
I show up differently.
I feel more compassion and kindness towards them.
I have the capacity to offer them grace.
I can understand that though what they are doing may not make sense to me, it makes sense to them.
This is powerful because it puts me in the driver’s seat of my feelings and my actions and gets me out of their lane thinking that I get to have a say about how they're showing up.
Do people make some seemingly sketchy decisions sometimes?
Absolutely. But when we take into account that very, very few of us are intentionally trying to ruin our lives, it gives me cause to reflect.
Just because I don’t understand their thought process doesn’t mean that it’s ‘wrong.’
With the varied background knowledge and experiences, and with our brains filling in the blanks about things, and our weaknesses and limitations as humans, we’re all going to make sketchy decisions sometimes.
But it doesn’t always mean that we’re trying to destroy our lives or the lives of those around us.
It just means we're humans doing the best we can with the tools we have.
When I can give myself and others the grace to make mistakes, and sometimes big mistakes, without judgment or unkindness, I’m always a better person.
And it always feels better when I’m the person I really want to be.
Believing that others are doing their best helps me to be that person.
Are you interested in learning more about this concept?
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