Keeping the Peace in Your Relationships
Do you ever keep quiet to avoid contention?
That was one of my signature moves in my dysfunctional marriage.Ā
I thought that keeping the peace was the most important thing I could do.
But what I didn't realize, is that I wasn't really keeping the peace.
Maybe we weren't fighting outwardly, but inside I was not at peace.
I was building resentment every time I would think,
"It's okay. I can deal with it."
"It's not a big deal."
"It's just not worth it."
"It's fine, I'm fine, everything's fine."
But one of the biggest contributions I added to the demise of my marriage was stifling my own voice.
By not being honest with my former spouse about what I was thinking and feeling, I was creating an atmosphere of resentment within me.
I was not showing up as an equal partner.
This was a place where true intimacy could never be known, because I wasn't allowing myself to be known.
Having honest conversations about what we think and how we feel is the hallmark of a healthy relationship.
So, where I used to think that holding back and not telling all the things to avoid conflict was the way to a good relationship, now I understand that it's absolutely not the way to create what I ultimately want.
What I ultimately want is a deeply intimate, equal partnership.
A place where I can see and be seen.
Where I can know and be known.
All in a safe space of mutual love and respect.
These days, I am building relationships built on honesty rather than deceit.
Because honest conflict will always be better than dishonest harmony.
Want to dig a little deeper into this concept?
Check outĀ this podcast:
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