How To Get Others To Change
Who do you know in your life that could really use some help changing?
I think most of us could identify a couple of people right off of the top of our heads.
So, let me set you up by giving you my top secret for changing other people.
Stop trying to change them.
Stop trying to clue them in.
Stop trying to leave little hints with passive aggressive comments.
Those all feel like they would be very productive and motivate others to change, but in reality, they create resistance to change rather than a desire for change.
When we create, instead, a safe emotional space for this other person, then we create a place where it is safe for them to take out all of their flaws, look at them, and start working on them.
When we are creating a judgy, harsh environment, no one will feel safe bringing their flaws to the table because they will be punished or rejected not only by others, but also by themselves.
Creating a space of love and acceptance for who they are this moment, without needing to change, is the only thing we can do to help others.
And what this is doing is focusing internally on our own behaviors, feelings, and thoughts rather than externally on the other person's behaviors that we believe need to change.
When we are so focused on ourselves, on showing up as the person we really want to be in response to their behavior, then we don't have the time to be judgy and harsh toward others.
This is a great space in our lives to be really, really selfish - focusing internally on ourselves rather than externally on others.
The free agency given to us by God means that I have agency to choose how I want to show up, and others have agency to show up how they want to.
This means the only agency I need to be worried about in my life is my own.
Because when I let go of trying to control others, I can worry about and work on controlling myself.
But just a warning - you may create that safe space for another person to bring their flaws and they may not choose to.
And that's okay. This is where we get to focus internally and choose to respect their agency to grow or not to grow right now.
Sometimes it can be hard to see where we are encroaching on someone else's agency, and this is where I can help you.
Want to dig a little deeper into this concept?
Check out this podcast:
