Healthier Boundaries

Setting boundaries isn't something that clicked with me for most of my life.

I was afraid that if I set a boundary that I would destroy the relationship.

But what I didn't fully understand was that in not setting a boundary I was already destroying the relationship.

Because boundaries are about love -- love for myself and love for the other person.

Setting a boundary protects my heart from resentment.

When I continue to get frustrated or angry because something is happening that I'm not ok with, resentment begins to build within my heart.

And the more resentment there is in my heart toward someone, the less space there is in my heart for love and compassion.

If this goes on long enough, my heart is filled only with resentment for that person and there isn't any space left for love and compassion.

I have destroyed the relationship from the inside out.

So if you love someone and want to protect the relationship, boundaries are a must.

Sure, it may feel a little uncomfortable at first creating a boundaries when there hasn't been any.

And the other person may even be a little angry because now you're "changing the rules."

But the boundary you're setting is not about them and trying to change their behavior.

It's about you and what you feel comfortable with, what's ok and what's not ok with you.

You're not telling them what to do, you're telling them what behavior is ok with you and giving them the chance to respect your wishes.

And then, if necessary, changing your own behavior to enforce the consequences.

A healthy boundary will sound like this: If you continue to call me names, I will pack up and go stay the night in a hotel.

You are clearly stating the behavior that is not okay, and letting them know that the consequence is if they continue to choose that behavior.