00:00 

Hey there and welcome to Intentional Living with Tanya Hale. This is episode number 71, "Contribution." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Right, well, hey there, my sweet friends. So glad to have you here with me today. Hey, before we jump into this today I want to remind you of two things that are coming up. One, I have a class called LDS Happy and Divorced that is coming up. It starts this next Thursday on November 7th, and it's going to be online. You need to go to my website tanyahale.com to sign up for it. Now, I know a lot of you are not divorced, but I know that you know people who are who could benefit from this. Divorce really throws a lot of us into a tailspin and we really can struggle getting our feet underneath us. Now, I'm in no way celebrating the fact that we're divorced, but I do want to help us decide that, you know what, if this is where we are in life, we do not have to be miserable and we do not have to be in a horrible place. We can still be happy even though we're divorced. 

01:15 

So if you know anybody who is needing some help getting their feet underneath them and managing their mind around the fact that they're divorced and what to do now, please send them to my website, tanyahale.com, and have them sign up for my class. It's a six week class. It starts on Thursday night November 7th. There are seven Thursdays in there. One of them is Thanksgiving, so we will not be holding class on Thanksgiving, but every other Thursday from the 7th of November to the December 19th. They will be at six o'clock mountain standard time over zoom, which is a video teleconferencing app. So it's all available there and all the information on the class is there. You can just go to my website. You can look under courses or classes, one of those two, and find the information there. 

02:03 

And the second one is another class that I'm starting this Saturday, November 9th. It's going to be a four week Saturday morning class, but every other Saturday for eight weeks. And it's going to start at eight o'clock in the morning, so hopefully early enough that it's out of the way of the rest of your busy holiday season. But this class is called Happy Holidays to Me. And we are talking about how to manage the stress and anxiety around the holidays and how much of that we create by trying to control things we don't have control over and by having expectations of things we have no control over. So we're really going to work on managing our minds so that we really can have happy holidays this year and not get so hung up on things that make us stressed and give us anxiety when we have no control over them. So that can also be accessed from my website. Again, go to classes or the courses tab and you can sign up for Happy Holidays to Me. This is not just for divorced people. This is mostly, I'm guessing, mostly women are going to want to be interested in this class. And it should be fabulous as well. I'm super excited with what I've been creating to do for this class. So that one will be November 9th, November 23rd, December 7th, and December 21st at 8 o'clock in the morning. I know that this is a busy time of year, but boy darn it. If we can get our thoughts under control and have a more peaceful holiday as we do this training, it is so worth the time and the money investment. I can promise you that. 

03:40 

Okay, so we are going to jump in today. We are already on number seven of our list of things that we need to have to have better mental health. Seven out of ten, and this one is contribution. So let's dig in and see why it can have such a big impact on our mental health. First of all, let's talk about what contribution is. As we look it up, we see synonyms that include "charity" and "donation" and some of the related words are "offering" or "endowment," "assistance" or "aid." Oftentimes when we heard the word contribution we connect it mostly with the idea of money or an equivalent type of gift. But in this instance when we're connecting it to mental health, a contribution is much more than a monetary donation and much more valuable as well. A contribution in this instance is referring to an offering of ourselves for the betterment of mankind in our world, and this mankind includes us. 

04:40 

So let's talk about this aspect of contribution first: an offering of ourselves for the betterment of ourselves. What exactly does that mean? It can sound a little bit confusing but let's simplify it and look at it this way. We are investing in ourselves. Now, investing in ourselves can come in a lot of different forms. Maybe we invest in ourselves by getting some education or training of some sort to help us become a better person. In this sense, we're offering our time, our resources, our energy to create a person who can then impact the world in a different, sometimes even a more impactful way. We can contribute to ourselves by investing our time in personal development, such as you are doing here by listening to this podcast. You're working on improving and deepening our engagement with ourselves, which creates someone who is happier and better equipped to engage with others in this world in a more positive and a more peaceful way. We have a stronger relationship with others and our impact in the world increases. We can also contribute to ourselves by engaging in self-care. 

05:49 

As we talked about in podcast number 37, self-care is so much more than spa days and massages. Self-care is very often the difficult and boring work of getting to bed on time, getting up on time, caring for our health in the ways that we feel are necessary, managing our mind to reduce stress and anxiety. Those are just some of the ways we can contribute to ourselves in ways that add to our mental health. These types of contributions put us in a place of personal growth and they help to add meaning and purpose to our lives. They help to build respect and confidence, and a big part of mental health are these feelings of positivity toward ourselves. A feeling that we are capable of growing into a better version of ourselves. A feeling that we're strong and powerful and capable to do whatever we need to and want to do. Growing into a person who is more sure of who they are, of what their strengths and their weakness are, of the talents they've been given, of the personal attributes they possess that can bless the lives of others. Really coming to understand, appreciate, and develop these attributes gives us an appreciation and a love for ourselves that then wants to reach out and bless others. Really digging deep into ourselves to find that amazing person who we've been sheltering and even hiding and allow her to come out in her full glory to bless and strengthen the world as she was created to do. 

07:21 

Once we really begin to own who we really are and to recognize the amazingness that is her, then we almost have this uncontrollable urge to share and bless the lives of others around us. We really begin to see our purpose in life and how we can be an instrument in God's hand to bless our fellow travelers in this life. When we as women allow this, to allow ourselves to come out from behind this place where we have hidden her. and when we stop shushing her and allow her voice to be heard, then we can really step into the next phase of contribution which is contributing to the world. When we have engaged in this first part of contribution contributing to ourselves, then a natural byproduct of that is wanting to then share that goodness with the world. Adding value to the world brings a great sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. 

08:17 

So a little over four years ago when I got my first life coaching certification through the John Maxwell team, I got to go to a three-day conference where John Maxwell taught about half of the classes. And if you're not familiar with who John Maxwell is, he's huge in the leadership world. He's written close to a hundred books on different aspects of leadership and he's been voted several times the top leadership guru in the world. Before he stepped into the corporate leadership world though, John Maxwell was a preacher for 25 years and is one of the best men in the world. Honestly, I believe that. Those three days of training with him were actually quite spiritual days as he teaches so many concepts that connect us with God. In fact, he says that everything he's learned about leadership, he learned from the Bible. 

09:05 

But I started talking about John Maxwell because I love that his personal daily mantra was, "how can I add value to the world today?" Isn't that beautiful and amazing? His goal every single day is to wake up and make the world a better place, to add value. So how do we do this? How do we start adding value to the world? Again, it starts with adding value to ourselves first and then seeking for ways to create value in the lives of others. 

09:36 

And this can look very different at different stages in our lives. When I was younger and a missionary, I was able to create value in a very unique way. Every day I could focus on building myself through individual scripture study and then my whole focus was on blessing and strengthening others all day long. Helping other people to create lives that were more meaningful and fulfilling. I truly believe this is why people often refer to their years as a missionary as the best years of their lives. They  were contributing to the world in such a beautiful way. And it's a focused period of time like no other in our lives. Our whole goal as a missionary is to add value to the world. 

10:18 

Then I know for me as a stay-at-home mom, again, I loved the value I added to the world. I felt every day, at least the days I wasn't completely losing my mind, that I was adding great value in the teaching and training and loving of these amazing kids under my care. I felt so strongly about my calling as a mom and how I could create value by helping them to value their own lives and go out and create more value in the world. So also during those stay-at-home mom years, I had extra time to do more service around my neighborhood. I would take meals to those who needed some extra care. I would shovel walks when the neighbors were at work. I would watch my friends' children. When we lived in Kentucky and California and even Germany, we had missionaries over all the time and young single adults over all the time. There were so many things I did that I felt added value to the world around me. 

11:15 

15 years as a stay-at-home mom and then I started teaching full time and I started adding a different kind of value to the world. And at this stage, I had to readjust my ideas of what it meant to be of service, because it didn't take long for me to start to understand that I was contributing to the world in great ways by being a loving teacher in middle school. So many of these sweet kids have tough lives. And even if they're stable economically, some of their homes aren't really all that loving. And creating a safe place for my students is very important to me, and I know that I add great value to the world just by accepting them and loving them and creating a positive environment and by interacting with them in loving ways. And one reason I love middle school is because I feel they are still so malleable. I can still make a positive difference in their lives and help them believe in themselves and recognize their worth. For me this is a huge contribution. 

12:16 

And then I also get to do this. I get to create podcasts that teach amazing life skills and how to be mentally healthy, only the most valuable thing we could ever possess, great mental health, right? I get to teach people how to manage their minds, thereby creating the kinds of lives they really want to live where they can in turn go out and contribute to the world in a positive way as well. So when I look at what I'm contributing I feel an amazing sense of pride and satisfaction. Is it all perfect? Absolutely not and not even close. But God did not create me to be perfect. He created me to be a human who can contribute to the world in a positive way, and I feel like I'm doing that. I'm becoming better and I'm helping others to become better and position themselves to add an even greater contribution to the world as they go out in their better selves. And everything I'm doing in this arena is helping me to feel more self-respect, more confidence, more satisfaction, and fulfillment in my life and these things are a huge piece of mental health. 

13:29 

Mental health ,as we've talked about, is defined as "our cognitive, behavioral, and emotional well-being." It is all about how we think, feel, and behave. Mental health can affect daily life, relationships, and even physical health. Mental health also includes a person's ability to enjoy life, to attain a balance between life activities and efforts to achieve psychological resilience." So the ability to contribute to the world in positive ways brings an enjoyment and satisfaction to our lives. To contribute to the world in meaningful ways, we need to be able to manage our minds, to create productive thoughts that affect our feelings and our behaviors in positive ways. And these, in turn, affect our daily life, our relationships, and our health. 

14:24 

So I want you to take a few minutes to evaluate your life and the meaningful contributions you are adding. Okay, and let's just put this out there. This is not a time to try to be falsely modest. Playing small does not help us make contributions. If you are doing amazing things recognize them. And this does not mean you're perfect or even close to perfect at any of it. But recognizing our contributions to the world is a good thing for our mental health. So get out some paper and start making a list of the great things you contribute to the world. Add things big and add things small. I mention a lot of big things I do that add great value to the world, but there are also small things like: I smile a lot. In the halls at the middle school, I smile and say hello to kids that I don't know. I treat them with respect, even if they're being super ornery. Small things, but things that make a difference. Things that add value to the world. This is contribution, right? I also make a really good fresh salsa and it makes people happy whenever they eat it. That's a small thing, but it's awesome. When I take it to family parties, someone always comments that they're so glad I brought it. That's a contribution, my friends. 

15:44 

If making a list of the amazing contributions you are making in the world is making you uncomfortable, there's some thought work to do here. Recognizing the great things you do is not conceited or stuck up, as we used to say back in the 80s, right? What constitutes conceit is the comparison, when you start to think that those things make you better than someone else, and that's not what we're doing here. We're not comparing the great things we do to anyone else for good or for bad. We're not better than others or less than others for the contributions we make. Every contribution is just that, it's a contribution. It doesn't matter the size. What matters is the size of the heart that makes it. Remember the widow's mite that Christ talked about in the New Testament? It has nothing to do with the actual contribution. It has everything to do with how and why I'm offering it. I'm doing a podcast. That's my thing. That's my contribution that I feel compelled to offer the world right now. You may not be doing a podcast. You may be, however, the best listener for your friends. That's an amazing contribution. Can you compare a podcast to your listening skills? Absolutely not. They're not comparable because they're two completely different things and they're coming from two very different hearts. 

17:18 

I have another friend who is just amazing at small acts of kindness. Sometimes I go out to my car at school and she's left a little note tucked inside my window. Sometimes she'll drop off something in my box at school. Sometimes she'll just stop by my house and just say, "I was just thinking about you and wanted to give you a hug." I mean, how great is that? What an amazing contribution she makes to the world. She makes my life better. I don't do that kind of stuff, but I do other things, right? The point here is we cannot compare contributions. Every contribution you put out into the world is valuable. When you are putting out what your heart feels to put out, when you are tapping into that amazing you inside of there and allowing her voice to be heard through your contributions, there is everything right about that. And there is every good feeling to be had about that. We should be proud of what we are putting out there. Again, not in the prideful comparison kind of way, but in the way that says, "I am doing good things to make the world a better place. I am contributing to the betterment of this world." 

18:34 

Good mental health is embracing our contributions as valuable. It is accepting what we have to offer as exactly what we should be offering. It is overcoming our fears to contribute in ways that push us out of our comfort zones and grow us as people. And then we see the cycle of greater self-respect and confidence is then willing to contribute more. And contributing more creates greater self-respect, which creates greater confidence and a greater willingness to contribute more. And that creates the cycle, right? And this is such an important part of our mental health, this contribution piece. 

19:15 

So my dear friends, make that contribution list. Be honest with yourself and allow yourself to see your contributions for the value they are adding to the world. Then allow that list to impact your self-respect in a positive way, that it creates more confidence in your ability to change the world. Your world, right? This is a huge piece of mental health. Take it and run, my dear friends. 

19:46 

Okay, isn't growing up great? I love learning these things. I love this place where we are and where we're growing. Okay, if you would like some personal help from me, guess what? You can have a free consult. Go to my website tanyahale.com and you can go to the "contact me" button and there is a place there where you can email me. And just email me and let me know that you want a time and I'll get back in touch with you and we will figure something out. 

20:15 

And if you will share and subscribe and leave me a review, I would love that. And one thing I want to add, okay, if you just tuned me out for a second, tune back in. I've been doing two podcasts a week since March and I'm hitting a point where two podcasts a week is a bit much. So I am going to start just doing one podcast a week. I'm just getting busy enough with clients and other things that I'm doing that the several hours that it takes for me to create this. I'm going to use that for other things. So one podcast a week.T hey're going to be coming out on Mondays still but no longer on Thursdays. So it makes me kind of sad to give that up because I've loved it, but as I've just looked at what's going on, I feel like that's the best choice for me right now. 

20:58 

So, yes, that is it for the day. I hope you have an amazing day. A day where you find ways to contribute in ways that only you can. They don't need to be huge. They just need to come from your huge heart. Okay, have an awesome one, my  friends. I'll talk to you next time. Bye. 

21:21 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.