00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 43, "The Three Degrees of Intention." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Well hey there, happy day to you. I hope it is a happy day. Are you doing this? I hope that you are just moving forward and finding life the way that you want to find it. I have to tell you, since I started doing this podcast back in March, I have just had the most amazing experiences as I've worked through a lot of this. I mean it's one thing for me to think through these and to believe them and to want to work through it, but it's another for me to have to actually sit down and create this content and to think it through enough that I'm putting words, like, actual words, not just ideas down and figuring it out. And I'm loving it. My growth game since starting this has been huge and I'm loving where I'm at and I'm hoping that I'm sharing things with you that are helping you to be more self-reflective as well. Things that are helping you to look more at your life with a different eye and see where you are and see where you want to go and really start making some steps towards getting there and making up the difference between where you are and where you want to be. 

01:37 

It's just all such a process, right? It's not anything that we need to feel guilty about. It's not anything that we need to beat ourselves up over but it is something that we need to be aware of and we need to be working towards it and so that's just really what I hope for you and for me that we can just keep moving forward because really that forward motion is what it's all about. It's not about speed, it's just about direction and moving forward a little bit at a time. So I hope that you're here with me doing that and I hope that you are finding some progress in your life as well. I know that I am and I'm really grateful for it. So thanks for being here with me and giving me the opportunity to keep moving forward myself. 

02:20 

So today we're going to be talking about the three degrees of intention. Alright, if you're a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you will cue in automatically to the reference here to the three degrees of glory. If you aren't a member of this church, let me just give you a little bit of background. In our church we believe that heaven isn't just one big place, but rather that it's divided into kingdoms of righteousness. The most righteous, the people that are most like God, will receive what's called the Celestial Kingdom. Those who are good people, but not completely valiant will go to the next kingdom, which is the Terrestrial Kingdom. And those who just don't try very hard but are also not worthy of going to hell go to the third kingdom, or what we call the Telestial Kingdom. So we have the Celestial, the Terrestrial, and the Telestial Kingdoms in that order from highest to lowest. So there's your background if you're a little bit unfamiliar And it's okay if you don't like totally clue into that, and it's totally okay if you don't believe that. I just wanted to give you some background so that you kind of can fit this concept into what we're talking about today. 

03:26 

So using this idea, I want to talk to you today about the intentions of how we live. What is behind what we do? I've tapped into this idea of there being three kingdoms of intention for a lot of years. In fact, I've taught this idea for a lot of years. But I'm starting to get some new clarity about this idea in the last few weeks. And that's what I want to share with you. I have been gaining a whole new understanding of love in my life with some experiences that I've been through lately. When we say that the scriptures say that God is love, I'm starting to realize really what that means. I'm sure that my level of understanding is still pretty shallow and pretty basic, but I'm really starting to wrap my head and my heart around it more fully. And coming soon will be a podcast when I feel like I have enough understanding to really start discussing with you some of the the processes that I've been thinking how I'm going through about love here, but loving it. But we're gonna touch on this idea a little bit as we go on. So let's get started on the three degrees of intention. 

04:36 

Alright, the telestial level of intention, or the lowest degree, is when we do things based on fear. Okay, in this space we may do things that we know we should do but we do them out of fear of what will happen if we don't do it. For example, we may go to church every week because we feel like it's a commandment and we're afraid of the wrath of God, or even afraid of what other people may think about us. We may pay our tithing because we're afraid of the eternal or the financial consequences if we don't pay our tithing. We parent our children from a place of fear that we will be punished if we didn't teach them what they need to know. 

05:18 

So is it a good thing that we're going to church or paying our tithing or trying to teach our kids? Of course it is. And hopefully in the process of obeying commandments out of fear, we are learning things that touch our hearts and help us to see a better way to move forward. But in the meantime, it's not horrible. It's still good what we're doing that we're doing them, but our heart is not receiving the necessary change yet to move forward and to help us become truly submissive to God. 

05:47 

So here's another piece to this level of intention, of fear, and this applies to how we interact with other people. So for example, when we parent, are we parenting from a place of fear? Is our intention to have our children fear us so much that they submit to what we want from them? Is that our go-to? We try and scare our kids into obeying us. Let's take a quick look at the long-term consequences with our children when we parent from a place of fear. What happens to the relationship in this instance? Okay, yeah, you're right. Not much happens. Nothing positive anyway. Children who obey just out of fear find themselves never connecting emotionally with their parents. In fact, they will often feel resentment toward them and they might even rebel against their parents when they become teenagers. 

06:46 

So what about marriages where one spouse complies with the other one out of fear? What's the state of connection between these two people? Right again. Little to none. Because again, so much resentment is built up that it becomes impossible for connection to happen. There is no trust. And this isn't a husband or a wife issue. This is a people issue. I see a lot of heavily patriarchal men whose wives comply out of fear of physical or emotional abuse. Women who are so afraid of creating conflict that they do what needs to be done so as not to rock the boat and make him angry. However, I also see a lot of men who are scared of their wives. These women make their husband's lives so miserable through mean comments, passive aggressive behavior, emotional abuse, that the men are afraid to do anything wrong. And often they're afraid to try and even help out around the house because what they are doing is never done right. And they are berated and made to feel like they're worthless. And it isn't just that there's only one person in the partnership who is behaving this way; sometimes both of them are behaving this way. 

08:11 

But we really need to start taking a look at ourselves. So peopling from this place where we want others to fear us is one of the surest ways to break down any connection, and this can happen in the workplace with leaders and bosses or managers. It can happen in the home, it can happen in groups of friends, it can happen anywhere. It's just when anytime we interact with other people and we try to coerce or make things happen on our terms based on creating fear, so anytime we use fear to try and move other people, we are breaking down relationships. And everything is built on relationships. Our whole lives are built on relationships. 

08:57 

God does not parent us from a place of fear. However, many people think that He does. They are afraid of breaking a commandment or afraid to repent, but this fear is created in their own mind with their own thinking rather than from what really is. Because when was the last time you sincerely repented and God said, "Eh, no, absolutely not. You are wicked and evil and I will never forgive you." I really can't imagine that's ever happened to you. Every time that I have sincerely gone to God in repentance, it has been accepted and I have been embraced. God will always accept our sincere repentance. And in fact, we're told that from that point on, He doesn't even remember it. This means that He's not going to continually be throwing it back in our faces and bringing it up in order to shame us into compliance. We may do that to ourselves. And that probably is coming from a place not filled with love as well. But God does not do that to us. 

10:06 

So if we find that we are doing that with a spouse, a child, a friend, or a family member for throwing things back at them, we are trying to engage from a place of fear. Also, God does not parent from a place of fear and it is not helpful for us to comply from a place of fear. So the telestial level of intention is that of fear. Whether we're on the giving or the receiving end, fear will always break down relationships and make connection near impossible. Okay, one last thing about this. Look at the fruits of living from a place of fear: anger, resentment, frustration, shame. Those are not the fruits of the spirit that Paul talks about in Galatians. 

10:57 

Okay, so let's move on to the terrestrial level of intention, this is the middle one, okay? Living from this level is doing what we do out of responsibility or out of duty. That is our motivating factor. Why do I go to church? Because I have a responsibility and I do it happily, but still I'm motivated by duty, okay? Why do I read my scriptures or say my prayers? Why do I take meals to those who need it or do community service? Because I feel a huge sense of responsibility. And again, this is not bad. This is definitely a step towards getting where we need to go. Because remember, life is a journey. If you're still doing things out of fear, good for you for doing them. Don't feel guilty you're doing them. But part of the journey is progressing toward a celestial motivation. If you're not there yet, keep doing what you're doing, step by step and moving toward better intentions. I still have things I do in my life out of fear and I have a lot more things I do in my life out of a sense of responsibility or duty. 

12:01 

And this is a huge one for me. I feel a lot of responsibility I don't think we're going to have in anybody's life where I do everything out of fear or I do everything out of responsibility. Right. I think we just sometimes keep out of fear some commandments. I keep out of responsibility and some I keep out of the celestial level. I'm gonna hold onto that and not give away the secret, but we're spread all over the place. Our testimonies are different in different areas. So it's okay. But responsibility, let's go back to this. I personally feel a lot of responsibility, and I always have felt responsible for pretty much anything that I get involved in. I feel like I have some responsibility to be in there somewhere. And responsibility is good. It does keep us in a good place, but it also holds us back. 

12:55 

So let's take a look at parenting. For example, if I'm parenting solely from a place of responsibility. What's missing? Think about that. I have prayers with my kids because I feel responsible to teach them to pray. I take them to church because I feel a responsibility to make sure that they're learning. I fix meals or do laundry or take them to their soccer game because I feel a sense of responsibility. Let's look at a marriage relationship. I can help them with a project or fix a meal or even have sex out of a sense of responsibility But again, what's missing? Okay, it's that whole connection piece right and relationships run on connection that is the fuel necessary. And just living out of a sense of responsibility is holding us back from full connection to those people that mean the most to us. 

13:50 

And obeying God's commandments, say the law of chastity, being honest, performing acts of service, it's great that they're being done. And we're gaining valuable experience, and we're adding value to the world. But again, this is a step toward where we eventually want to be. So if you're at this level of responsibility in a lot of things, good for you, that's great. Keep up the great work, but don't let this be your stopping place. Keep in mind that this is just the terrestrial level of intention. And there's a celestial level where we can focus on. 

14:27 

So let's talk about the celestial level of intention. What do you think? What do you think is the motivating force behind this intention? Got it? Okay, if you said "love," you are right on. We talked about that at the beginning. Remember I gave you a clue. Love is the intention behind everything that we do at this level. Now again, everything in our life is not going to be at the same level. But when we get to this place with love, we're making some big progress. More and more I'm learning that love is the key. It's actually the ultimate key to how to really unlock my personal potential and my ability to connect with God, with myself, and with others. 

15:13 

So let's take a look at how this works. When I obey a commandment, let's say going to church, how is it going to look different when I approach it from a place of love rather than from responsibility or fear? Totally different, right? Coming from love means my heart is all in. Coming from love means there are no ulterior motives. Coming from love means I am open to receiving whatever God is willing to grant me. So this allows for a connection to God that just isn't possible from the terrestrial or the telestial intentions. 

15:51 

So what about parenting from a place of love rather than responsibility or fear? How does that look different? Well, first and foremost, the feeling, the connection with our children completely changes. In this place we can truly approach them with unconditional love, a place that respects who, what, and where they are. Okay, I see this so clearly in my school classroom with my eighth graders. I love those kids. I just do. I love them and they feel that and because of that I can establish relationships with them that are good. My kids respect me. They come into my classroom. I rarely have discipline issues. All that goes on but I see other teachers teaching from a place of fear, a lot of anger, a lot of frustration, a lot of yelling, and the kids do not like those teachers. They will create havoc in those teacher's classes because parenting from a place of or teaching from these other places from responsibility or with fear does not create the connection. 

17:05 

Okay, so let's go back to parenting quick. So parenting from this place, a place of love again has no ulterior motives. We don't worry that our child has left the church because of what that says about us. We worry about them leaving because we want the greatest blessings and joy for them. Our place of love here really is about love. It's letting go of the selfish motives of wanting the approval of those around us or worrying about their judgments. This place of love comes from God. Because remember, God is love. Everything God does comes from this place of love. And if we want to become like God, we have to learn to do the same thing. When our child tells us that they're gay, we don't freak out and worry about what the neighbors will say or what the ward will say. We just feel love, that's all we feel. We give them the space that they need to work out their own salvation. We provide a place of belonging where they can be themselves and figure out their lives because guess what? It is their life to figure out, it is not ours. 

18:18 

Being married from this place of love means we're not doing things to try to manipulate our spouse into doing anything. When our motivation is love, we do things for them just because we love them. Not because we expect a certain response in return. We're not counting points to decide if we are supposed to get on their case when we see them next or if we can be kind. And this place of love means we accept them for who they are and give them the space that they need to be themselves and figure out their own lives. We're not in charge of figuring it out for them. Because guess what? It's their life to figure out and not ours. 

18:59 

Approaching life with the intention of love is a game changer. It just loves people regardless of what they do or don't do. It accepts people for who they are and where they are on their path. It allows people to figure it out without our interference. And obeying the commandments out of love takes away all the shame when we fall short. Obeying the commandments out of love creates a connection to God and ourselves. And this is where our relationships can grow and help to sustain us. This is where our self-respect can really take root and we can see ourselves for who we truly are in the eyes of God. 

19:44 

So are we all here at this place of living our lives from love? Absolutely not. I don't know anyone in their lives who lives it completely from a place of love. Now maybe I just don't hang out with the right people, but I don't think so. I hang out with some pretty awesome people, but I just think it's a process. It's a huge part of why we're here, to learn little by little, to love God with all of our heart, mind, and strength, and also to learn to love our neighbor as ourselves. So these are the first two commandments, right, which are kind of three commandments. Love God, love our neighbors, love ourselves. So the top three greatest commandments have everything to do with love. Isn't that beautiful and amazing? 

20:36 

And this is why I refer to it as the celestial level of intention. Because that's entirely how I envision the celestial kingdom with God. A place of love. A place where everything we do is motivated by love. A place where love is the driving force of everything that happens. Because isn't that how God does it? Can you think of one thing that God does that is not motivated by love? No, it's what He is. It's what He does. I honestly believe that as we learn to create thoughts founded in love, our feelings and our actions will create the result of a life that is so incredible. Remember the fruits of the spirit. The spirit, love, joy, peace, right? 

21:28 

These kinds of feelings, that is what we create. When we come from a place of love, we look at our relationships, this is what they're built on. These fruits of the spirit. So we have the terrestrial level, which is a sense of fear. We have a terrestrial level, which is responsibility or duty, and we have the celestial level, which is love. It's a process, my friends, okay? I honestly believe that as we learn to create thoughts founded in love, learn to, because it is a process, our feelings and our actions will then create the result of a life that is so incredible. Doesn't mean it's gonna be perfect, but it's going to mean that we are responding in ways that are productive and that produce good fruits. 

22:28 

Okay, so our goal this week, I want you to do some self-reflection. If you had to break your life into percentages of these three, what would they be for fear responsibility and love? How would you break up your percentage for that? Okay, now none of us are gonna have all of anyone. I really don't believe that because we're all just so complex and we're all in different places in different things. Oviously it's not going to be perfect, but I want you to just get a feel for where am I? And then I want you to find just one area for improvement and focus on it. Pray about it. Seek guidance in the scriptures about it. Find a way to move that one area from fear to responsibility or from responsibility to love. Movement in the right direction is what we're looking for here, not a complete overhaul. Eventually, over the course of a lifetime we're looking for a complete overhaul, but in the course of this week, if you're not facing the right direction, turn around and face the right direction. If you've just been standing there for a while, take a little bit of a step forward. It's just about incremental forward movement, not an overhaul this week, okay? 

23:42 

The next thing, be grateful for where you are. I can promise you, if you're here on this podcast, you are not stuck, because at the very least, you are seeing, you are seeking to know how to do this life thing a little bit better, and that's the first step to growing an improvement, okay? So don't beat yourself up, because you're not where you think you should be. Be grateful for where you are. There's absolutely no shame here for what you are not yet. Just gratitude for what you are, with an eye toward how you can move forward with one small step. 

24:24 

Gosh, this growing up rocks, doesn't it? I love, love learning and growing, and I hope that you do too, and I appreciate you being here with me. If you want some personal help in figuring out this thing, figuring out how to navigate some tough situations, I am your person. Contact me at tanyahale.com. You can book a free 20 minute coaching session, or there's even a place in the "Contact Me" tab, where you can contact me, and ask me some questions there if you would like. I would love to help you be more compassionate with yourself, because this process is hard, but it's brilliant and amazing and fulfilling. This is where so much of our happiness comes from. Growth is equals happiness. Totally believe that. 

25:17 

Okay, if you haven't subscribed yet, subscribe so you never miss an issue, and if you will leave me a review, I would love it. I'm trying to get up to 100 reviews. That would be fabulous for me. And share this with somebody who you think can really benefit from the things that we're talking about here. And again, thanks for joining me. Thank you, because it's putting me in a better place every single day. Alright, have a terrific one and I will talk to you next time. 

25:47 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.