00:00 

Well, hey there, and welcome to Intentional Living with Tanya Hale. This is episode number 407: "10 Tips for a More Fulfilling Marriage." Alright, good morning. Well, morning for me, and welcome to the podcast today. As always, glad to be here to be able to share with you some content that I've prepared for you. It may be a little bit echoey in here. We're getting ready to move, and all the pictures and things are taken down from my walls in here, so it's a little bit sterile. So I apologize for the echoing, but usually after about 10 seconds of listening, it kind of your ear gets used to it. So hopefully that's the case. 

00:52 

Two things before we jump in today. One, if you're listening to this on Monday or Tuesday of the week that it comes out, Tuesday is my Talk with Tanya at 12 Eastern 12 or 2 Eastern 12 O'Clock Mountain. And that is just a free webinar that you can come to to just connect with me. We talk about concepts that you want to talk about. We do coaching, answer questions, all the good things. It's just a free time where you can come and ask me questions about things. It's not a sales call. It's just an opportunity for me to share some insight with you and for you to ask questions and to touch base with me. 

01:33 

And second of all, just a reminder, if while listening to this podcast or any of the others that I've put out in about the last year and a half, if you have ideas and you think, "oh, I want to learn a little bit more about this, I want to dive a little bit deeper into this," go down to the show notes in whatever app you are listening to your podcast in. Go down to the show notes, scroll down, and you will find that I have a pretty generous list of podcasts to listen to that have to do with the same topic. So you're going to want to do that to help to understand a lot of these concepts better because oftentimes with over 400 podcasts out now, I will reference some of the basic content and ideas that I have out there. And it can be really helpful if you are a newer listener to go back and listen to those to fill in the gaps. 

02:25 

And even if you're an older listener, oftentimes going back and re-listening to podcasts that you've heard before, you will understand things differently because you're at a different place because you've grown and you've moved and you have changed. So take an opportunity to check out those podcasts and listen to those there. This is just good stuff. And I promise that your life will be better as you really start to see how these concepts can apply and fit into your life. 

02:52 

Alright, that being said, we're just going to jump in today. I am talking today about 10 tips for a more fulfilling marriage. And every one of these tips is going to have a podcast associated with it in those show notes that I just talked about. So if you want to learn more about any of these, go down there and check it out. 

03:11 

So I love the idea, and I've said this on the podcast before, that research shows us that the quality of our lives depends upon the quality of our relationships. And everybody has the capacity to create better relationships when we take responsibility for our own engagement and we choose to implement tools that create connection. We have to remember that we do not have any control over how anyone else behaves or what they think or what they feel. All we have control over is us and learning to just say, "listen, they get to behave how they want." I get to focus on me. This is when it really is all about you because you get to start choosing, how do I want to show up here? What kind of person do I want to be? And we let go of the illusion that we have any control over what other people do. And we have to let go of the illusion that life should be different than it is, because it shouldn't be. 

04:18 

Life is what it is. That is the reality. And again, as I've said this quote from Byron Katie many times, when we argue with reality, we're going to lose 100% of the time. And that's just the case. We have to get to the point where we go, listen, this is how that person is behaving. Full stop. That's how they're choosing to be. Let me then take responsibility for how I show up in response to that. That doesn't mean we just have to lay down and go, "okay, whatever you say," but I absolutely get to be responsible. I get to decide how I want to behave. I get to choose my response. And this is what we're talking about here in this. These are 10 tools that you can use to help you take responsibility for how you are showing up in the relationship because literally that is all you have control over. 

05:21 

And the more we lean heavily, oh gosh, I don't know why that just gets me, but the more you lean heavily into taking responsibility for these things that I'm going to talk about today, the greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to accept, the greater your capacity to offer grace. You just show up a better version of you. 

05:54 

And I'll tell you what, these tools have helped me to step into what I feel is more Christlike behavior. I feel that with the implementation of all the things that I have learned in my coaching journey, both receiving coaching and sharing coaching, giving coaching, that my capacity to be more Christlike, to be more loving, to be more compassionate, to be more empathetic and full of grace has increased exponentially. I can't even measure how much it's grown. I am such a different person than I was seven and a half years ago before I found this work. It has changed the trajectory of my life. And I'm just so grateful because once we get past the drama of the challenges of our lives, it frees us up to then be able to start moving into the creation of something different. 

06:58 

So let me just say that another way. This is a concept that I just came across this last week and I was like, "oh yeah, that explains what I've seen." It just was explained in a different way. When my life is focused on so much of the drama of me not being able to stay in my lane, of not being able to accept the reality and embrace people for who they are and honor their agency, when I am fighting against all of that and I have so much angst in my personal relationships and there just always seems to be so many things that I can't wrap my head around or manage my mind about, then that is where all of my energy is expended in the managing of these relationships that are high maintenance relationships. 

07:49 

But when I learn to manage my mind, when I learn to implement these kinds of tools that I'm going to talk about today, then so much of that relationship angst just settles right down. It's not that there aren't difficult things, but that they don't require so much energy from us because we manage ourselves better. We move into a different space. And that frees up all of that energy for other things. It frees up that energy for us to step into those drives and desires that our spirit has in order for us to step into our possibility or our potential. But we do not have the energy to step into greater possibility and bigger versions of ourselves when we're struggling with the basics in our day-to-day relationships. 

08:47 

So anyway, you're going to love these 10 tools. These really will help you to take more of that responsibility. They will create more fulfillment and satisfaction in your marriage and in every relationship in your life. So here we go. 

09:05 

Number one, let's practice not getting defensive. Okay. So our natural human instinct when we hear some feedback or are told that we're wrong or something is to get defensive. Right. And I like to imagine that as whoop, walls come up immediately and then nothing gets through. And I get this hot feeling in my chest and it'll move up my chest and up my neck and into my face. And I'll sometimes feel like a little bit of a throbbing in my ears. And it feels like I get this tunnel vision, right? This defensiveness that just takes over us and makes us unable to listen and hear and understand. It kind of overtakes our brain a little bit. And we get in this primitive brain protection, protection, protection place. 

09:56 

And when we are in that space, nothing gets through. So if we're going to have beautiful conversations, if we are going to be able to truly understand the other people in our lives so that we can respond in ways that are loving and kind, we have to learn how to not get defensive. 

10:17 

Another thing that I want you to understand about defensiveness is that when you feel defensive, in most instances, it's because there is an element of truth in what is being said. And if we can slow down and go, "oh, I'm feeling defensive. What is the truth there?" And it might be a small, small tiny percent. Maybe it's only 3 or 4% truth. But I promise you that 3 or 4% truth will be a gold nugget of information for you to learn from and to grow from. So notice your defensiveness coming up. Notice how to breathe through it. Really listen to what's being said and own the truth. You know, find the truth in it. And you will be amazed how much that plays a positive difference in your relationships. 

11:16 

Okay, number two, I want you to start learning how to address issues early on. So many of us, I think especially women in this middle-aged generation that I am in for sure, we were raised to think that we needed to be low maintenance, that we need to not create anybody or create any discomfort for other people, that we need to be easy peasy, right? That we're easy to get along with. And so much of that caused us to just put things on the back burner, right? To just put them on the shelf, pretend like they don't exist, just let things happen. 

11:55 

But what that did is it created a lot of resentment in our hearts over the years. And that resentment builds and builds and builds. And I like to think of our heart as being like a hundred unit organ, right? And if I have a hundred units available for love, that's great. That's awesome. But if I start letting resentment creep in, let's say I get 20 units of resentment in my heart, then I only have 80 units left for love. Now, I know this is not all scientific, but this is a visual that helps me. 

12:32 

We have to address issues when they are small. It's like weeds. If I have a garden and I go out, I plant my seeds and every week I go out and I find the weeds and I pluck them while they're little one inch weeds. They're like, I call them two finger weeds. I can pull them out without any problem. It's super easy. But if I wait and wait and wait and wait, you know, another week, I'm going to have a fist weed. Another couple of weeks, I'm going to have a two fist weed. Another month, I'm going to have to like really work at it. And another month after that, I'm going to have to pull out the shovel. Like, and then it just becomes so much work. When we can learn to address these issues early on, no back burner issues and talk about them, then they're easy. 

13:22 

Just the other night, I had noticed an area in mine and Sioni's relationship where a certain behavior was happening and I was going into a one-down position. And I had not really seen it before, even though it had been happening for a bit. And I thought, this is fascinating. And so as Sione and I were cuddling in bed that night that I noticed it, I was like, "hey, can I share with you something that I noticed about my own behavior?" And I shared that with him when it was small. And I said, "you know, when you engage in this behavior, this is my response." And I get that I'm 100% responsible for my response. But it was just a conversation to say, look at this little bit of an unhealthy behavior that is existing between us. And I wasn't blaming him or attacking him. I was just saying, this is fascinating that this happens. And I'm going to start trying to be more aware so that I show up more as an equal partner and less. And it was just the beginning of this. And it made it a really easy conversation because I didn't have a lot of emotional investment in having built this up and built this up. 

14:37 

And I think all of y'all know what it's like that when something happens and we put it on the back burner, we kind of keep feeding that and feeding that and feeding that. And if it's never addressed, then in four months, it becomes this huge issue where we blow up over something seemingly pretty small. And so if we want to have more fulfilling relationships, it is imperative that we start gaining the courage to have these conversations early when we first see them, when we first notice them, but having them without attacking or accusing or blaming or criticizing. It's just this, "huh? Here's something I noticed." Or using the own your own strategy, right? "When this happened, then this was my response. This is how I felt about it. And help me understand, you know, you're part of this." But it keeps things from spiraling into huge conflicts. And that's what we want to do is do them when they're little two finger weeds. 

15:40 

Okay. Number three, we want to engage in and encourage honest communication. Okay. Many of us have learned how to skirt around issues, how to be passive-aggressive, or to tell half-truths rather than really being honest. Because honesty can be scary and difficult. And our primitive brain is like, "whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't want to do that." And sometimes it feels like being honest can even be a little bit elusive. Okay. But when we can really learn how to share our thoughts with straightforward honesty, we can begin creating deeper connection and less miscommunication. 

16:22 

I love the idea that, and I probably should have looked this up before we started, but I didn't. But there's a quote out there that I've heard that says, "never be so kind that you forget to be honest. And never be so honest that you forget to be kind." Okay? Honesty is vital if we're going to have beautiful relationships and that honesty needs to be delivered in kind and loving ways. If we are just brutally straightforward honest with no care, that's destructive. But when this is the person that we love, we want to have honest communications, but we also want to be kind to them. We want to be loving to them always. That's important. 

17:13 

Okay, number four, we have to start figuring out how to show up as an equal partner. In general, women have a tendency, more often than not, to go into a one-down place. Men have a tendency, more often than not, to go into a one-up place. And we get to just start watching this. Now, as I've told you before, I noticed, especially in my previous marriage, how I would often take the one-down place and go, well, I'm a martyr. Like, this is the difficulty of my life. I have to just put up with this behavior and I have to let him do this. And I have to do all of this stuff myself, right? So I would do this one down place as far as thinking that it was my responsibility, because let's be honest, we had kind of been taught that in the 60s and or the 70s and 80s, that it was our job as women to be a supportive role only, to be in a one less place. Like we weren't as smart or as capable as our husbands were. And so we were kind of taught that that was our place. 

18:21 

But that's totally disruptive because we cannot create a partnership if we're not equals. And so I would go into this one down place thinking that, "oh, I have to do this." And then I'd start building resentment over that, right? But then I would flip into this one up place where I would say, "and see how much more righteous and good I am than you because I'm willing to make these sacrifices." And so I was, it feels like when I look back at my previous marriage, I was constantly bumping between the one up and the one down and rarely, if ever, stepping into the equal partnership place. 

19:03 

And this is what's so fascinating about so much of what we as men and women were taught about our socially and even religiously accepted roles back when I was growing up in the 70s and 80s is that those concepts and ideas were actually destructive to creating partnership. The men's idea that "I'm kind of in charge, I'm the provider and the protector and that's what I do and you have to listen to me because this is my job and my job is more important than yours. I bring in the money and you're just a stay-at-home mom." Like all of those thoughts are destructive. And the women, like "I'm less than because I don't make the money and I'm just a stay-at-home mom. And, you know, and it's my job to make sure that there's no contention in the home," and like all of that stuff. It's all destructive to creating these equal partnerships. 

20:03 

And this is something that I find fascinating when I work with my clients, especially one-on-one clients, is they bring conversations to me and situations that have been challenging. And we look at those and we're able to identify, well, what was that a one-up or a one-down behavior? And they're pretty good at being able to say, "oh, I can see that that was a one up or I can see that that was a one-down." The fascinating part for me then is that when I follow up with, "okay, what would it look like in that situation for you to show up as an equal partner?" And nine times out of 10, the response is, "I have no idea. I don't even know what an equal partner would do in this situation." And that is fascinating, isn't it? 

20:51 

This is this place where we get to start learning and figuring out what does it mean to be an equal partner? What does it look like? What does it sound like? What do I have to be thinking in my head? And it doesn't mean that we have equal to-do lists. It means that we look at our person and we say, you are my equal in every way. And we recognize that we have different talents and abilities, but we also see them as our equal. Such a vital, vital piece of what we talk about. 

21:26 

Alright, step number or tool number five. We have got to start figuring out how to stay in our own lane. And this kind of goes back to the preamble that we talked about a little bit at the beginning of this podcast, that many of us unknowingly try to take responsibility for other people's choices and responsibilities. We have to figure out how to stay in my lane. What am I responsible for and take responsibility for that and none else? 

21:57 

Like I was having a coaching call with a young client who is getting married soon. And she was asking about, you know, if my fiancé, if he's supposed to do this for the reception and he doesn't do it, like, how do I handle that? And I'm like, well, we had this chat about what does it look like to stay in your own lane? How do you allow him to be responsible for what he has chosen to be responsible for, even when it's not on your timeline? And how do you stay and be responsible for what you're responsible for? 

22:35 

And it's hard because sometimes other people invite us and even want to drag us by the arm into their lane to do things that they need to be doing for themselves. And we get to say, "oh yeah, no, I'm not going to do that one. That one's not mine. I love you and I'm going to let you take care of that." We also get to keep other people out of our lane with good, healthy boundaries. And we just have to stay the heck out of other people's lanes. We just need to start saying, like the example that I gave for this young woman, they're both in college still. And we were talking about, you know, if he came to you saying, you know, "I have an elective next semester and I'm not sure which class I want to take. I've got like these 10 classes here." It's not her job ever to say, "oh, I think you should take this one." None of her business. Guess what? He's an adult. He gets to take whatever class he wants. Right? 

23:44 

And so if he comes to her and says, "oh, I have these 10 classes," her job is to say something like, "oh, interesting. Which of the three of those sounds the most fascinating to you? Tell me why they sound fascinating. Oh, well, what are you inclined to do?" And then if he just still is not making a decision or isn't at that space, it's really easy to say, "well, you know what? I know you'll figure it out." You know, none of, and he might say, oh, "but what class would you take?" And notice that that's kind of like pulling you by the arm and trying to pull you into his lane. And that's just where you say, oh, but "you know, my interests and things that I like to do are very different than yours." And if he presses, you can say, "oh, well, personally, I would be interested in this class or this class, but that's me. I'm a different person than you," right? We get to just stay out of their lane. We get to stay in our own lane. We are not responsible for their choices or their responsibilities. Stay where you need to stay. 

24:55 

And that one is so tricky because so much of what we do crosses into other people's lanes. And oftentimes when I'm working with clients and I say, that's kind of not in your lane, they go, "wait a minute, what?" And we get to have a discussion about why what they are wanting to do or what they are doing is crossing into somebody else's lane. And it's fascinating stuff to learn and to learn how to implement. And it changes so much because what it does is honor other people's agency. 

25:32 

And that is the tool number six that I'm giving you, is to honor their agency, right? None of us like other people overstepping and infringing on our agency. And we get to learn to say, "listen, this person is an adult. They get to behave however they want to behave," and honor that and allow space for them to be the person that they want to be. And sometimes that's tricky because sometimes our spouse or other people in our life show up in ways that are different than we expect or that we anticipate. Sometimes they show up making decisions that were like, wait a minute, that is not kind of what we started our marriage on five years ago or 10 years ago or 25 years ago. This is not what we had in mind. 

26:28 

But guess what? Part of agency is that people get to change and evolve and morph into different versions of themselves. And so offering them the space, like, and it's not even that we get to offer because they get to do it regardless, right? But coming to peace with the fact that they have their agency. And so like if they make a choice and we question it and question it and question it and question it, that's not honoring their agency. Honoring their agency is them telling us what they've decided and we go, "oh, good to know. Thanks for letting me know. How can I best support you in that?" 

27:10 

Even if it's uncomfortable for us, even if it's not what we would choose, we get to realize that they get to choose whatever they want. Our job is not to change their mind. Our job, my responsibility, is to learn to accept them for who and how they want to be. 

27:32 

Alright, tool number seven, choose to be vulnerable. Now, vulnerability can be super scary and not everybody in the world deserves our vulnerability. We're not going to walk through the store and tell people the most intimate details of our lives. And sometimes there are people in our lives that we used to tell the intimate details to that now we wouldn't because the relationship has changed and they have moved to a farther circle outside of us to where they are no longer trusted with the most important stuff. 

28:07 

But if this is our spouse, this spouse should be our innermost circle person. That's ultimately what we want in a spouse and in a relationship. Now, I know not everybody's there, and maybe not everybody will be capable of being there, but this is, in an ideal relationship, they would be your person in the very center. And we have to choose to be vulnerable because when we are vulnerable, it puts our true raw selves on the table. And it gives our spouse a chance to see who we really are at our core, not some pretend version of us that we want them to think that we are, but really who am I? And then we work from that space. 

29:01 

So learning to be vulnerable is a place, it creates trust and it creates closeness. We cannot love someone intimately if we don't know that person. And if we're not vulnerable, we are not being known. I love that Jennifer Finlayson-Fife talks about the purpose of marriage is to know and be known. We have to be honest about who we are, and that requires vulnerability. Also, Susan Strandon has a clip from a movie, and I don't even know what movie it is, but she's talking about the purpose of love is to have someone to be a witness of our lives. Someone that says, "your life matters to me. I see you. I accept you. You are valuable." And that is all created when we choose to be vulnerable with each other. 

30:04 

Ideally, both of us would be stepping into that space of vulnerability, but sometimes only one of you in the relationship is ready to go there. And that's okay. You step into vulnerability and this person, your person, may not be available or willing to be there as well. In fact, they might not even honor that vulnerability the way that would be great. Like maybe they blow you off or they go, "oh my gosh, you're so sensitive" or whatever. For one, that's good data. It's good to know that they are uncomfortable with your vulnerability. But two, a good, strong sense of self is going to say, "oh, they responded by gaslighting me..." or by being passive aggressive or whatever, "...and that's okay because I love who I am when I'm showing up vulnerable in this relationship. That's the person that I want to be." 

31:07 

And ultimately, notice so many of these tools are bringing us back to us behaving from this baseline of what are my values? Who is the person that I want to be? How do I want to show up in relationship? And showing up in full defensive armor with a sword drawn is not going to create a fulfilling marriage. We have to be willing to show up vulnerable. It's the only way it's ever going to work. And yes, it can be scary, especially if that has not been a go-to pattern for you and your spouse. And yet, it is the only way that things will ever shift into closer intimacy. 

31:57 

Alright, step tool number eight, assume best intent. I love that in John Gottman's research, one of the things that he says is that the best relationships, those people are friends. And what creates a lot of friendship is this capacity to assume best intent of the other person rather than assuming worst intent. So when our spouse does something that we interpret as hurtful, we get to say, "oh, and I know that he or she would never hurt me on purpose." You know, rather than just saying, "oh my gosh, they're such a freaking jerk. What an idiot. I can't believe they would do this. They're so selfish." That's assuming worst intent. The space that we want to go into is, "wow, that was surprising...and I know that they would never hurt me on purpose." 

32:58 

And that's going to create a beautiful starting ground for having an honest communication about it, for not having those back burner issues. When we assume best intent, having those difficult conversations is so much easier because we're not coming in at it, again, in full battle regalia, right? We don't have all of the helmet and sword and shield and all of that stuff. We assume best intent. "This person loves me. This is a good person. I know they would never hurt me on purpose." 

33:38 

And I think the vast majority of our relationships, even when they are struggling, our spouses don't want to hurt us. We just get caught in these patterns of behavior that are difficult and hard and where we're behaving in ways, protective, instinctual ways that are not helpful. And so learning to really intentionally practice assuming best intent is a powerful tool to help open your heart and create the grace that we need to offer in any beautiful relationship. If you cannot offer your space grace, your spouse, grace to be a human, to make mistakes, to not get it right, 50% of the time, if not more, we're not assuming best intent. Assuming best intent also believes and lives from the mantra that they're a human. 

34:41 

Of course they're going to make mistakes. Of course they're going to say things in a hurtful way. Of course they're going to be dismissive sometimes. Of course they're not going to understand it from my point of view, right? All of these things that  happen in relationships. Assuming best intent says, and I know they would never do it on purpose. 

35:03 

Alright, tool number nine, we have to start figuring out how to communicate with love. Okay, it can be very easy in our relationships to blame, accuse, criticize, or attack. And yet those things immediately get the other person in defensive mode. So when we can learn to communicate with love rather than from a protective mode, everything changes, right? And it's hard because our primitive brain wants to go into this immediate "I have to protect myself" mode. And we will hear words sometimes coming out of our mouth before we even recognize that we're upset. And I'm almost positive that all of you know exactly what I'm talking about. But part of this process of learning to manage our minds is learning to slow down so that we can stop that defensive reaction from happening before we intentionally choose how we want to show up. And learning to communicate with love is a way that we can communicate our concerns, how we can have those difficult conversations that will help our partner to feel more safe and less defensive. 

36:27 

And one of the tools that I use all the time with my clients and with Sione and in other relationships in my life is the Own Your Own. That podcast is going to be down in the show notes as well. But this is the sentence structure that I teach my clients. Here's the factual circumstance, "when you said..." here's what you said, "I felt..." what's the one word emotion? I felt defensive. I felt unseen. I felt replaceable. I felt dismissed. I felt lonely. And that goes back to this step about being vulnerable. We have to be willing to just say, "I just felt angry." Well, okay, sometimes we do feel angry, but let's dig a little bit deeper below the anger. Why? What is the anger about? A lot of times anger is covering up something a little bit more vulnerable underneath there. 

37:29 

So we want to dig deep. We want to find the vulnerable emotion. "When you said this, I felt dismissed because I was thinking..." And then we have to ask ourselves, what thought was I having that made me feel dismissed? Well, our first reaction is to say, I felt dismissed because I was thinking that you didn't care about what I had to say. Now, that's a great starting point, but it's not what we want to put out there. Because notice that as soon as I say the "you didn't care," that moves into the attacking piece, right? And we don't want to attack here. So we want to say the thinking piece by taking out the "you." 

38:13 

Okay, so we would say, "when this happened, when you said this, I felt dismissed because I was thinking that my viewpoint was not being considered." Notice that that takes all of the attacking piece out of it. And then the fourth step of this is we turn it back on them and we say, "listen, I know that I'm probably wrong about that thinking because I know that you care about me and this is where my brain is stuck. So will you help me understand what was happening for you when you said that? What was your thought process?" And then we open up this communication that is loving and kind. That's what we're after. Okay. 

39:04 

And then the tool number 10 that I have for you, rock the boat, but don't create a tsunami. Okay. And a lot of these things all kind of lead up to this. Our relationships will all require difficult conversations. Always, because relationships, we're two completely different people who see the world from completely different perspectives on most things. And so rocking the boat is a necessity. Having those difficult conversations in any relationship is vital and necessary. But learning to have these conversations with our spouse without creating a space where they feel that they're in the middle of a tsunami, where instead they feel safe, it is a vital tool for creating intimacy, for helping them to feel safe with us, even in the midst of a difficult discussion. 

40:00 

This is something that in my previous marriage, I was absolutely not good at. And one reason why I hesitated having difficult discussions was because I did not know how to have the discussion without creating another fight, without creating a tsunami. And so I just avoided the discussions altogether because even though I was upset, even though I was hurt, whatever, even though I was scared, I did not know how to have the conversation without causing another fight. And so learning how to rock the boat to have those difficult conversations, but not creating a tsunami is vital. 

40:41 

And this goes back to what we talked about in tool number nine, which is using the own your own. Learn, and it really kind of  incorporates a lot of these other tools. Do them when they're two-finger weeds. Have those conversations when they're small, right? Assume best intent so that we're not attacking. We want to be really conscientious of how we are treating our spouse at all times. Treating them with love and with kindness and with grace will always create a better outcome than if we treat them with angst and with anger and with contempt. 

41:28 

So learning how to implement these 10 tools, you will be able to create a safer, more loving atmosphere in your marriage. And it's these small, consistent actions over time that will make a significant impact in your relationship. These are the tools that I teach on the podcast. Again, go down to the show notes and find the podcasts that talk about these. I'll put them in order. 

41:54 

But also, I want you to really consider some coaching. This summer, I'm going to have some group coaching classes come up. That's way more affordable if you feel like one-on-one coaching is too much. But if you can figure out the one-on-one coaching, my friends, it is life-changing. The capacity to see things on a very individual level, to be able to work through them, it will change your life and put you on a trajectory that will significantly impact your life for the better. That's what coaching does. It doesn't solve all your problems today. We'll solve some of them, but it's not going to solve every problem for the rest of your life. But what it does is gives you the tools and the awareness to put you on a different path, a trajectory that will lead to something much more different, much more loving, much more fulfilling. 

42:58 

So if one-on-one coaching sounds like a good option for you, go to tanyahale.com, click on the free consultation tab, and let's get a coaching appointment set up. We will do some coaching on there, and I will walk you through my coaching program and teach and talk to you about how it works, how it costs, how many weeks I work with you, what those sessions look like, answer all the questions that you have. 

43:25 

I will tell you that the one-on-one coaching that I have done and that I continue to do changes my life, changes my trajectory. And I will invest in coaching for my whole life because of this, because of the impact, the significant individual impact that it has in my life. So I would really encourage you to consider investing in some coaching because you are worth it. Because you creating a life that is better and more fulfilling for the next 30 years is so much better than next 30 years of angst and anger and frustration and constant upheaval in your life. We can get you cleaned up and thinking differently and processing better and managing your mind in a way that your life will shift. It's what I do. It's what coaching has to offer you. So take advantage, get on my calendar, let's get some work done, shall we? 

44:35 

Okay, that's going to do it for me today. Thank you for being here. This work is life-changing. It has changed my life and it changes the lives of my clients. And I know that it will change your life as you continue to invest and figure out how to implement these tools better. And one-on-one coaching is just the fast track for that. We can move you in three months or six months to a place that would take you years because of the higher level of engagement and focus that one-on-one coaching creates for you. Okay, that's going to do it, my friends. Have an awesome, awesome week, and I will see you next time. Bye. 

45:18 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more production week. Visit tanyahale.com to learn more about coaching and how it can help you get to your best self ever. See ya.