00:00 

Hey there, this is Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 149, "The Importance of Discomfort." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Alright. Hello there, my sweet friends. Welcome to the podcast today. Glad to have you here. If you're brand new, welcome. I hope that you find some great stuff here that is helpful to you and if you are returning, thank you so much. I appreciate you being here and I appreciate you sharing this podcast and helping other people around you to find a better space and a place of growth and development in their lives. 

00:47 

We're going to be talking today about the importance of discomfort. Now the question that we all want to ask is why would we want to allow ourselves to feel no uncomfortable emotions? What is the benefit of that? Why would discomfort be important in our lives? Here's why: because discomfort is the price that we pay for growing and progressing. But the funny thing is that most of us spend our time and our energy trying to feel more comfortable today, in the short term, right now, when being uncomfortable right now is really what's going to ultimately create being comfortable later or in the long term. So for example, losing weight, having difficult conversations, being vulnerable, improving relationships, paying off debt. These are all things that create a lot of discomfort right now. Example losing weight. I have to sit with the urge of getting something to eat when I know I'm not hungry or the urge of not eating something that just tastes really yummy, something that I know is may not be healthy for me. The discomfort of having a difficult conversation, of engaging and saying things that are hard to say. All of these things create a lot of discomfort right now in the moment. But ultimately, when we do them, they get us to the space we really want to be. They get us to the space of having a healthier body, of having stronger relationships, of being more connected because we've been vulnerable, of financially being in a space we want to be, maybe not being in debt and having money and savings, whatever that looks like for you. 

02:36 

But the importance of feeling discomfort now in order to feel comfort later is really what we're going to be talking about today. When we avoid uncomfortable emotions, what we're really doing is keeping ourselves stuck. Because discomfort is a very important part of our lives. Build confidence in our ability to do almost anything we decide that we want to do when we know that we can feel any feeling. And yet we can still move forward through that discomfort to accomplish our goals are confidence in our self increases. That's kind of a cool byproduct of feeling discomfort. We develop confidence in ourselves to be able to feel any feeling and still know that we can do that. So if we want to get unstuck in our lives, it's imperative that we start being uncomfortable. We have to get comfortable being uncomfortable. 

03:38 

Alright. So I'm going to share with you today my personal journey of discomfort and my huge avoidance of it my whole life, and the place that I'm in now in trying to move into more discomfort. I was talking with a friend about this a few weeks ago and he was like, "that's kind of strange that you would want to intentionally move into discomfort." And I'm like, "yeah, I know, because I don't feel a lot of discomfort, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of life,." But I'm going to talk to you a little bit about the journey that I am personally going through. So I have a history of subconsciously avoiding other people whom I judge as "high drauma" kind of people. As I look back on my life, it's all unconscious. But when I would be around people who I had judge-y thoughts about, I would just naturally kind of back away. I wouldn't be unkind. I wouldn't say, "ooh, you have issues." I would just, you know, let them do their thing and I would back off and I would go hang out with people that I felt were easier for me to hang out with. So it sounds like all kind of pleasant and good, and there are some benefits to it. I'll be honest with you. There are some benefits to that. I don't have a lot of drama in my life, but this is what I'm finding. It's keeping me from stepping into a level of personal depth with myself and with God that I want to step into. 

05:13 

So let me share with you. I was rereading a talk from Neil A. Maxwell, and has been one of my favorites for a lot of years. And every once in a while I pull it out and I reread it. And I found two quotes this last week rereading it. And because I'd  reread it a couple of times this week and both times I got a different quote. And it really kind of made me stand back and look at this topic for me in a different way. So it's a quote from a talk called "Swallowed Up in the Will of the Father." I think it's a 1995 November in the Ensign. Neil A. Maxwell. I will double check that though. So here's what he says. He was talking about living consecrated lives, consecrated lives to God. And he talks about three groups. And one group he talks about how they recognize their weaknesses, they see what's going on, they do all of this. And I was like, "okay, I identify with that. I think I'm in a place where I'm starting to see my weaknesses, I'm willing to look at the gap, I'm willing to do that." And then he says this about the second group. He says, "this is a group of members who are honorable but not valiant. They are certainly not miserable nor wicked, nor are they unrighteous and unhappy. It is not what they have done, but what they have left undone that is amiss. For example, if valiant, they could touch others deeply instead of merely being remembered pleasantly." So I did fudge the words a little bit in there so that it flowed a little bit more out of context of the talk, but pretty much that's it. 

06:48 

The thing that caught my attention this time was this phrase that said, "they could touch others deeply instead of merely being remembered pleasantly." And I started thinking about these opportunities that I could have to engage in really positive ways where I could touch others deeply, but I don't allow myself because I'm uncomfortable with the emotions that I feel around some people when I get judge-y. So because I get judge-y, I feel these uncomfortable emotions and I would rather just be remembered pleasantly, and so I back away from these relationships. But I have to get to a place where I am willing to feel the discomfort of engaging with others in order to grow in my own ability to feel my emotions, to learn to stop judging others and to use the gifts God has given me to be on my own path of possibility. I feel like I've been given a lot of talents and abilities and skills personally, but then I also feel like this life coaching gig has given me skills that I can share and I can bless the lives of others that I can touch others deeply. But I find that I have, in the past and even still now, I find myself backing away from those uncomfortable situations where I could make a difference but I avoid the discomfort. 

08:26 

So I picked up this talk, that was about three or four days ago, that I read that other quote and then I picked it back up again yesterday and I was reading through the talk again and just two paragraphs later there was another another quote in there that I had not noticed before that all of a sudden fit together for me. In this same talk, Neil A. Maxwell says, "if one minds the things of the flesh he cannot have the mind of God." Okay, I'm gonna say that again because I think that's so brilliant. "If one minds the things of the flesh, he cannot have the mind of Christ." And I received a little bit of personal revelation here that was pretty amazing for me. I realized that when I avoid other people because of the discomfort of associating with them, maybe I think there's too much negativity or too much drama, things like that, then I am minding the things of the flesh. My mind is focused on my uncomfortable feelings, my flesh, and not wanting to feel them. So when I'm minding the things of my flesh, I cannot have the mind of Christ, which means I have to be willing to engage in a Christ-like manner, which means for me, I have to be willing to feel the discomfort of engaging with people that I generally want to be very judge-y with. 

09:59 

So the place that I get to is that I'm so focused on feeling comfortable, on not feeling negativity, on not feeling the drama, that I'm avoiding the opportunity to engage in more Christlike behavior. And I'm putting myself in a place where I'm being remembered pleasantly because I'm kind, but I am not touching others deeply. And so I need to learn to manage my mind and to step into empathy and kindness and acceptance of other people rather than judgment. Okay? So to learn to feel the discomfort is my goal so that I can grow in more Christlike ways. Being Christlike can be very uncomfortable in the short term, in the moment, but it will bring great rewards and blessings later on. We can be more comfortable with ourselves and with our standing before God a long time from now. So my pattern that I've noticed in my life and and I've noticed this a lot through coaching, and I've also noticed it as I have prayed and asked for personal revelation on it. I think coaching has been a piece of that personal revelation for me, as well as inspiration I've received reading scriptures and and that kind of stuff. But my pattern has been to step away from the discomfort. 

11:29 

But this is the other piece that I want to point out. My discomfort is not caused by other people or by their behaviors. It is caused by my thoughts, by my judgment of them, and this doesn't feel good. When I judge other people, that feels horrible inside of me. That's what doesn't feel good. That's what brings the discomfort, is my own thoughts. It's not the other people. Other people don't make me feel uncomfortable. They're just being them. I create the discomfort by my thoughts, by being a kind of person that I don't want to be. So I find myself trying to avoid the knowledge that I'm judging them. And then I turn around and I start to judge me for judging them. It just gets all this big mess of judge-y, judge-y in my head and what I'm  creating. And I'm learning how to step away from that, but learning how to step away from that also means I have to be willing to feel the discomfort. That is my currency for growth and progression and development. 

12:40 

So when I step away, when I look away, I am choosing not to engage with the discomfort. And so for me, I'm learning at this stage that discomfort is a signal to me to pay attention, that there is something to learn here. So I'm really learning to start paying attention more when I'm around people that I may feel uncomfortable with. Now this doesn't mean morally wrong things going on. That's a different kind of discomfort. But if I find myself wanting to avoid certain people, if I find myself doing this, I need to take a look at that discomfort and figure out what's going on and what's happening. There is a lesson for me to learn in my discomfort. And there may be a lesson for you to learn in your discomfort as well. There's so many situations that this could be happening. So for example, if you have children, adult children, that you are feeling uncomfortable around, there's something to look at there and say, why do I feel uncomfortable? If you're feeling discomfort, engage with them. Engaging in a certain kind of discussion with your spouse or with someone that you need to have a discussion with, there's where the work is. There's something to learn there about why we feel uncomfortable. This is a place for growth. 

14:04 

So for me, feeling the discomfort, engaging with these people and showing forth compassion rather than judgment, these things are going to help me deepen my relationship with myself and with God and to learn to be more submissive to God. And this is the thing that I'm learning as I move along my path is that my relationship with myself and my relationship with God are inseparably connected. They really go hand in hand. It becomes like an eternal round. My relationship with myself opens up a connection for a deeper relationship to God and vice versa. And so I see this happening. So as I also seek to have a deeper relationship with God, that is also going to come as I engage with my discomfort, learn more about myself, create a greater, deeper relationship with myself, a greater compassion and love for myself as I engage in this discomfort and grow through it into a better version of who I want to be. But this deeper connection with myself will come only through discomfort. This deeper connection with God is going to come only when I engage with my discomfort. 

15:27 

So this is the importance of discomfort. Discomfort shows us where our work is. Discomfort, as we learn to work through it and engage with it, helps us to show up in more Christlike behavior. It's a great opportunity for us to learn how to step forward, learn how to step more into a place where we can connect with others deeply, touch others deeply, instead of merely being remembered pleasantly, because our goal in this life as we seek to be instruments for God is not to just be remembered pleasantly. It's to touch others deeply, to truly step into Christlike behavior. And when we acquiesce to our discomfort, we are not stepping into the greater Christlike behavior that we can engage in. So this is what I'm learning in my life right now, and what I am focusing on. I hope that there is some connection there for you as well, that you can say, "oh, I can see discomfort." You probably aren't feeling it in the same places in life that I am. But hopefully, seeing how I'm able to see my discomfort and how it is holding me back from becoming more Christlike, I hope this has opened up a little window for you that you can see some areas that you can move forward and progress in your life. 

16:54 

Again, understanding that discomfort is the price that we pay for growth and progression and moving forward and really becoming the kind of people that we want to be. Okay, that's going to do it for me today. My friends, if you want to talk about your discomfort, if you want to learn to become more aware of it, this is what I do. I help you see your thoughts. I help you see what's going on with you and how to move forward. So if you want some personal help, you can go to my website, tanyahale .com. On there you can book a free 30 minute consult where we can talk about your situation and I can help you see how I can help you get the results that you want and move into the space that you want, whether it's better relationships, whether it's better relationships with God, with spouse, with children, with yourself, whatever it is, I can help you move there because I can help you see your thoughts. I can help you see where your sticking points are and that's what coaching is all about. Okay, that's gonna do it. Have a really, really terrific, awesome day and a great week and I will see you next time. Bye.