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You're listening to Intentional Living with Tanya Hale and this is episode number 12, "The Miracle of Mindset." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just fall into the life of our dreams...we choose to create it. This is Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:21 

Well, hey there, my dear friends, I am so glad to be here with you today. Having a fabulous day and just loving life, loving where I'm going, loving what I'm doing and I hope that you are too. And I'm so glad that we can be on this journey together so thank you for joining me. And I appreciate you taking time out of your busy lives to share this time with me and hopefully to learn some things that are making your lives better and greater. 

00:49 

So today we are going to be talking about mindset. Now I'm basing this information off of one of my favorite books. It's a book from Dr. Carol Dweck. She teaches at Stanford University, I believe, and she wrote a book several years ago called "Mindset, The New Psychology of Success." And I encountered this book probably about eight years ago and it knocked my socks off. I was completely floored by what I was learning and I was like "oh my gosh, this is such a game changer." And at that time I had two boys who were middle school-ish age and I had two girls who were in elementary school. And I started applying this information. My boys didn't respond as much. They were, I think they were 7th and 9th graders. And I could see the difference as they grew older. And my girls, though I started applying these concepts when they were younger, and I've seen a huge difference in how they approach life and in what they do. And so I became a huge believer in what Carol Dweck teaches here because of what I saw. 

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But I also started applying these things in my classroom and my 8th grade classroom that I teach and I love what it does for my students and the concepts that go on here. So I'm gonna share this with you today because I just think this is information that everybody needs to know everybody because even if we don't have children or even if we don't teach people it's amazing what it can do in our own minds and in what we create for ourselves. 

02:24 

So the first thing I want to start off with is a quote from Carol Dweck from this book and she says "the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish this things you value." So basically Carol Dweck here is saying that how you view yourself is going to determine whether you become the person you want to become and whether you accomplish the things that you value. I think that's such a valuable concept, to realize that it all starts in my brain. And this is the same kind of thing that I teach, that we have these circumstances but our thought process, what we think about those circumstances, starts a chain reaction. This is the same thing. 

03:13 

So this is looking at going back to our thoughts to see how we can create the kind of life that we want to create. We can also work on helping to develop these kinds of thought processes in those people that we have an influence over so that they can start to develop the kind of lives that they want to develop as well. 

03:32 

Alright, so we're going to start off...Carol Dweck puts mindset into two categories. She says that people either have a fixed mindset or they have a growth mindset. Snd so we're going to talk about what each one of these. Now, in my mind I like to picture a fixed mindset as being like a rock. It is what it is. You're not going to change it. You can't mold it. I mean, you could, I guess you could take a hammer to it or something, but it's really kind of fixed. Whereas a growth mindset I like to picture as a tree, constantly growing and changing and and doing different things. 

04:07 

So let's talk. First of all, we're going to look at what is fixed? What is growth and what are the opposites in how they look at life? So first of all a fixed mindset will say that our intelligence is fixed. So either I've got it or I don't. Either I'm smart or I'm not, alright. So a growth mindset though is going to say that intelligence can be developed and I can become smarter when I work at learning. So big difference. One person says "this is my IQ. It doesn't change." I mean, they're smart or I'm not and they think that that's where they are. Whereas a growth mindset really believes that they have a lot of control over their intelligence. 

04:47 

Fixed mindset as well will say that my personality is fixed. I am what I am. And I've heard that from so many people throughout my life. They just say well, "it's who I am. I'm just..." stating whatever it is that they are. A growth mindset believes that personalities can change and that qualities can be cultivated through effort. So a growth mindset believes that "well I may like it this way but I can change this. I can become really whatever I want to become here." So a big difference between intelligence and personality being fixed and intelligence or personality being able to grow and develop. 

05:28 

Another indicator of a fixed mindset is that they will avoid challenges because challenges threaten what they already know about themselves. Whereas a growth mindset will embrace challenges because they see challenges as opportunities for growth and they see that growth is good. Let me give you an example. I think a lot of us as as parents of young kids, I grew up in a time where I wanted to give my kids, you know, I wanted them to be confident. And so I would say things like, "oh, you're so smart. Oh, you're so good at soccer. Oh, you're so fast." Right? And I would give them these, these fixed mindsets, especially my boys, because they were the recipient of more of this for longer years. "You're so smart." And my kids were bright enough. I mean, they're a lot like a lot of other kids, pretty bright, picked up on things pretty quickly, but created a fixed mindset to where then my boys started to identify themselves with being smart. 

06:30 

And then the first time that that started to be challenged, because school was pretty easy for them until middle school, maybe even high school, and things started to get a little bit challenging. And all of a sudden, I could see that that concept of "I'm smart" was being challenged, because all of a sudden things got difficult for them. And they started to be nervous about that. They wanted to avoid the different difficult classes, because what if they took that class and they found out that they weren't smart. And I remember thinking this when I was going to college and taking classes and thinking, "Oh, well, what if I can't pass that? What if I'm not as smart as I think I am?" And so I avoided a lot of those challenges. A growth mindset, however, is going to embrace the challenges. They're going to look for more difficult classes. They're going to look for things that challenge them because they love the growth that comes with that. 

07:24 

Alright. Let's look at another one. Fixed mindset will give up easily when they encounter obstacles. And a lot for the same reason that we just talked about, because they are intimidated by finding out that they may not be what they've always thought they were. Alright. "What if I find out that I can't do it?" They don't want to try out for that more difficult competitive soccer team, because what if I find out that I can't do it right? A growth mindset is going to be willing to make mistakes. But they're gonna persevere in spite of the obstacles. They're gonna see themselves in a place where they're making mistakes a lot of the time. But that does not intimidate them. It doesn't scare them off. They just want to continue growing. A fixed mindset sees effort as a weakness the more I have to try. They think that's bad. They think that if I don't do something the first time and pick it up right away, that I'm never gonna be good at it, and I'm not good at it. And so I can't try. 

08:23 

I see this so much in my middle school students They just hit a point where they are terrified of making mistakes, terrified of not figuring it out the first time. And they'll try something one time and not succeed at it and go "oh, well I guess I'm just not good at this. This must not be my thing." A growth mindset however sees effort as a necessary part of mastery. They see it as just part of the process. "I have to keep trying. The more I try, the better I'm gonna get." And so there's a huge difference there between a fixed mindset thinks that "the more I have to try, that means I'm weak, it means I'm not good, it means I'll never be good." A growth mindset sees that effort as a huge part of the process. "It's just what I do." 

09:04 

A fixed mindset is going to dismiss or ignore criticism because they do not see themselves or their weaknesses clearly. So when they hear criticism, it's almost like they don't hear it. They just blow it off immediately, they ignore it. A growth mindset is going to look at that criticism and try to learn from it because they want to see themselves and their weaknesses clearly. Now, that doesn't mean that all criticism we get is valid. Sometimes we get criticism and we go, "yeah, well, they don't understand this or they don't know this" going on and not making excuses, but a lot of times we receive criticism from people who really don't know the circumstances. So we don't have to accept all criticism, but we're not afraid to look at it if we have a growth mindset. We're not afraid to go, "huh, let me check that out. Let me see what I think about that and see if that fits." 

10:00 

A fixed mindset doesn't want to see it. They don't even want to acknowledge that the criticism has been there. A fixed mindset feels threatened by the success of others because it diminishes what they are, right? Everything's a competition. A growth mindset, however, is inspired by the success of others. They see what other people doing as a pathway for them to be able to do something similar, all right? A fixed mindset is focused on being. So I am smart, I am fast. A growth mindset is focused on becoming. It's all about the process for the growth mindset. I'm not smart, but I am always learning. I'm becoming smarter, the more I do this. 

10:49 

A fixed mindset is always seeking validation. They're trying to prove to themselves and to other people that they're smarter talented. Whereas a growth mindset is comfortable with their imperfections and their progression, they realize that they're a work in progress. They're not afraid to let people see that they are in a growth pattern. A fixed mindset is afraid to let people see that they're not where they think they should be. So they're always trying to prove that they are that finished product. A growth mindset realizes that they're not a finished product and they probably never will be. A fixed mindset is concerned with how they will be judged. How do other people see this? A growth mindset, however, doesn't care about how others perceive them because they're concerned with improving, not with proving how good they are. They're concerned with improving. 

11:47 

Okay, so are you feeling that you identify more with one than the other? I would dare say that there's not one of us that's going to be all growth or all fixed. We're all a mixture but I think for a lot of us there's one of these that stands out that goes "yeah, I'm a little bit more of this one," or "I'm a lot more of this one," and we can see that and that's okay, because that's totally normal. None of us are going to have be 100% one or the other but it's good to start getting a feel for what does my mind think? What patterns of thinking does my mind create and what's going on with that? 

12:24 

Let's hear some questions that I'm going to put forth. So this is the kind of questions a fixed mindset would ask. Before they engage in something, "will I succeed or will I fail?" Very black and white right? Another question they have fixed mindset will ask themselves is "will I look smart or dumb? Will I be accepted or rejected? Will I feel like a winner or will I feel like a loser?" Fascinating questions, right? Look how black and white those are. Very very much the perception of other people and am I going to be you know one end of the spectrum or the other? 

13:08 

A growth mindset though will ask questions such as these, "Why am I going to waste time proving over and over how great I am when I could be getting better? So why do the same thing over and over if I could be challenging myself and getting better?" Another question they'll ask, "why should I hide my deficiencies instead of overcoming them?" And we're not going to overcome them as long as we're trying to hide them, right? Because we've just got to get them out in the open if we're going to work on them. Another question, "why look for friends who will shore up my self-esteem instead of ones who will challenge me to grow?" They want people in their lives who push them and challenge them. I love that. 

13:48 

The growth mindset also will say things like "why seek out the tried and true instead of experiences that will stretch me?" Alright, huge differences there in in the thought processes of what's going on. One is scared of being seen for what they are, the fixed mindset, and the growth mindset is focused on they don't care so much what other people think because just growing and developing is so important to them that they're willing to put it out there and they're willing to be vulnerable and be seen for what they are. 

14:27 

So here's another quote from Carol Dweck. She says "the passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it even, or especially, when it's not going well is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of their most challenging times in their lives." I love that. The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, right? When it's hard, when it's challenging, do we go lay down in a corner and cry? Or do we just go, "bam, I got this. I can do this. I can take care of this." Do we just stick with it until we figure it out or do we give up because it's too challenging? Those people that stick to it allows them to thrive, not survive, but to thrive, which means to continue to grow and develop during the most challenging times of their lives. 

15:24 

So this is the deal: the more that we move toward a growth mindset, the easier our progression is going to be. So not that the nature of the challenge has changed, but that our understanding of the reason for the challenge has changed. It's not to prove what we are or what we are not, but to provide an opportunity for growth. We start seeing all of these situations in our lives completely different. These situations are no longer to beat us down or to make our lives difficult, but a growth mindset will start to see that the whole reason for this challenge is to help me grow and develop and become a bigger and a better person. And I think that's a pretty amazing place to get to. 

16:19 

Alright, so let's talk about two things, two ideas, that come from this growth and fixed mindset concept. First idea, we have to grow. Learning and learning from our failures is the only way to move forward and get better. A growth mindset understands that it is about growth and struggles and challenges and failures are the the only way to push myself forward, I've got to go through them. And they see those struggles and challenges as a positive thing. Not that we love them all the time, but we're not scared of them. We're not freaked out by them. We approach them with a positive mindset because we go, "okay, I can do this. I'm going to come out the other end of this better and stronger." 

17:10 

The second concept is that failing is the only way that I can learn to rely on and become submissive to God, which is a must for our exaltation, right? Failing is the only way that I can learn to rely on and become submissive to God. If I'm not being challenged, I am not learning how to rely on God the way that I need to. I'm not learning how to become submissive to Him. And that's a problem, right, because that's the whole purpose of why we're here is to learn to be submissive to God, to learn to give Him what He asks of us and to become what He wants us to become. And we become what He wants us to become when we go through the challenges that He gives us because He knows that those specific challenges are going to create in us the kind of person that we need to be. They're going to help turn our weaknesses into strengths. They're going to help us become strong in the areas that we need to be. 

18:16 

So quick question. How does perfection fit into all of this idea? Yeah, you're right. It doesn't. Perfection does not fit into this at all. Someone who has a perfection mindset has a fixed mindset. They think that there's an end all, whereas a growth mindset realizes that now perfection is not what's going on right here. It's about growth. And if I'm perfect, I don't need growth, right? Perfect means complete. We're not complete. This is the thing, and going back to the last podcast of "We Are Enough," we don't need to be more of anything to start becoming what God wants us to become. We are enough. We just need to have the right mindset, a growth mindset, to realize that we're on a path of progression, to realize that we're moving forward and and not that we've already reached, reached it. 

19:23 

And so growing up is a process, right? When I look at myself as a young baby and and now look at myself at 51. And if I were to take all these pictures of me in between, it's a process. I've changed and every few years you go, Oh, yeah, looking a little bit different. Oh, look at the hair. Oh, look at whatever, right? And I see that I change and I change and I change until I've become what I am today. I think that's great. That's exactly what it should be. But we've got to start, rather than just seeing that physically we grow and we progress and we change, we need to start seeing that emotionally and spiritually and intellectually and developmentally we are also constantly in a state of change, constantly growing and constantly moving. 

20:13 

And the more that we can learn to embrace that growth and learn to start thinking with a growth mindset, the happier we're going to be, the more we're going to be exactly where we need to be. We need to start realizing that my imperfection is enough. God doesn't want me, doesn't need me, to be perfect right now because there's no growth in perfection. If I'm perfect there's no place for me to go. And God still has such a long way for us to go that our imperfection is the process. This is how we get there. 

20:55 

I love this quote from Elder Kim Clark. He says, "We don't need to be perfect, but we need to be good and getting better." Isn't that a great quote? We need to be good and we need to be getting better. We need to be on a growth path. Alright, so this is the deal. If you have not read "Mindset" by Carol Dweck, I would highly, highly suggest that you pick up a copy either from the library or buy yourself one and read it. I have one and I just mark it and mark it because there's so much brilliant stuff in there. A lot of case studies that you can read that teach you about how fixed and growth mindset works. 

21:36 

Teaching our children to have a growth mindset is so important. So as we talk with people that we interact with, learning to speak with a growth mindset and with growth mindset talk is really, really important. So again, we used the example earlier with my children and I used to say, "Oh, you're so smart." This is the deal. We have to move away from the end product, "you're so smart," to the process. So with my daughters, well with my sons too, but a lot of it had already been ingrained in them, but my daughters are much more growth process mindset because I would say things to them like, "Wow, you worked so hard. I can tell because look how well you did on that test. I'm so proud of you for working so hard." Or my daughter who was a soccer player, I could say, "wow, I can tell you've really been working on that left footed shot because, boy, you're hitting it pretty strong. You got a couple of really great shots off today with that left foot," right? And rather than "you're such a great soccer player" and then she's afraid to rock that boat by trying something and into pushing herself, helping them understand, I can see how hard you've been working, helping them understand the effort that goes behind it and the process that goes behind it. 

22:58 

And we can start talking to ourselves this way as well, right? Rather than beating ourselves up because it's not done perfectly, we can say, "okay, I can figure this out," okay? And one of the best words that we can add to our vocabulary if we want to have a growth mindset is the word "yet." Love the word yet. Well I haven't figured it out YET, right? There's a whole world open when I add the word yet on the end of a sentence, okay? I haven't passed that test YET, right? Yet is a game changer, alright? So when we talk to people around us, boy, if we can just start adding that word yet, it opens up a whole path of opportunity, that okay, yeah, I still can work on this, I still can grow on this. 

23:51 

So this is what I want you to do. I want you to start adding the word yet, and I want you to start paying attention this week to your mindset. Where am I? You probably had a pretty good idea, and I want you to start figuring out how I can make adjustments and what I can do to get better at developing a growth mindset, because a growth mindset is going to start changing what we start putting in that thinking line of our model. Right? And the thinking line then creates our feeling. Our feelings then create our actions, and our actions then create our results. So if we can start learning to process that thinking line in more of a growth mindset, we can start changing the results of our lives eventually. 

24:35 

Alright, so there we go. So this is the deal. If you feel it's time to step up your game and to dive deep into learning how to develop a growth mindset, you can contact me at tanyahale.com, and you can book a free 20 minute coaching session to help get you started. I would love to help you develop a skill that will help you enable to create more success and happiness in your life. And the model is the way to do that, helping us to learn to adjust our thoughts and figure it out. And I can help you with that. 

25:04 

So if you feel this podcast is adding value to your life, please do a couple of things for me. One, subscribe to it. Number two, leave a review. That would really help me a lot. And number three, share it. Please share it with other people. And if you would like a coaching session, contact me. If you have friends who would like a coaching session, have them contact me. Would love to be able to help you out there. Alright, so here's to a growth mindset this week, right? We're going to push. We're going to figure it out. And we are going to be better than we were before. Okay, don't you love growing up? I just love growing up and figuring out this stuff. And I hope you do too. Have a terrific week, my friends, and I'll talk to you next time. Bye. 

25:49 

Thank you so much for joining me today. If you would love to receive some weekend motivation, be sure to sign up for my free "weekend win" Friday email: a short and quick message to help you have a better weekend and position yourself for a more productive week. Go to tanyahale.com to sign up and learn more about life coaching and how it can help you get to  your best self ever. See ya.