00:00 

You are listening to Intentional Living with Tanya Hale, and this is episode number 11, "I Am Enough." Welcome to your place for finding greater happiness through intentional growth, because we don't just go into the life of our dreams....we create it. I'm Tanya Hale and I'm your host for Intentional Living. 

00:16 

Well, hey there! I am so, so happy to be here with you today. I am just having a great day and I am loving what I've been working on today. So we are going to be talking today about the concept of being enough. I am enough. And I love this because I feel so strongly that we are. And yet I see so many women who just consistently struggle with this idea that they're enough, that what they're doing is enough, or what they're being is enough. And so we're just going to break this down a little bit and talk about it today because I want us to understand that I am enough, that you are enough, that we are all enough exactly as we are. 

01:07 

So we're going to start off by talking today about the fact that there are two aspects of being worthy, and I think we get them confused, and we get them mixed all together. And because they're mixed all together, we sometimes get confused about what's going on and why we're not worthy. So one is that as a human being, am I worthy? And two, the one that we get confused is that my standing before God because of my behaviors, am I worthy because of that? 

01:43 

So though we can use the word worthy for both situations, I think we get them confused because those are two very different things. One, just as a human being, I have worth. God created me, I'm of worth. My behaviors and my worthiness before God can be different, but it has nothing to do with our worth. But often we can think that because we have sin or weakness, we are unworthy, meaning we're not clean before God. But we can also see that then bleeding into our worthiness as a human being. We think that it makes us less than if we are struggling with sins or weaknesses. And this is faulty thinking. Because this is where we often muddy the waters and start feeling like we're not enough. Our worth as human beings before God is not tied to our worthiness before God. These are two separate concepts, but because they both have the root word of worth, we tend to tie them together. And we can't be doing that and truly live the way that God wants us to. 

02:54 

So what we're talking today about today is our worth. The idea that I am enough. That as a creation of God, I am beautiful and I am worthy of his love and his sustaining power. This is the idea that there is nothing inherently wrong with us. And even though we're human beings on a journey of self-discovery and we're experimenting to learn what is real and what is not real, we're experimenting to learn what brings us closer to God and what doesn't. And we're learning what helps us to feel the Spirit more strongly and what doesn't. Even though we're on this journey of life discovery, God always loves us and is cheering for us and wants us desperately to find our place of growth and happiness. 

03:39 

In fact, He created us to be on this journey. He sent us down here without all the knowledge and information that we have to know to make all the right choices all the time. He knows that it's a trial and error experience for us. He knows that we're going to make bad decisions, that we're going to struggle. He gave us intentional weaknesses so that we could grow and learn from them. God gave us all this. He gave us all these things that we struggle with. He gave them to us on purpose because that's where our growth and our development comes from. And to top it off, he put us in an imperfect world with other imperfect people. And so this is all part of our process here. God only wants us to grow into the amazing people that we are inside. And that growth comes as we work through all of these imperfections that God has given to us. 

04:40 

Okay, so let's start by talking about these amazing people that we already are. Okay, we're going to go clear back to birth. Alright, do you remember those old hospital nurseries where, this is before the babies stayed in the mom's room, and they would have this big nursery and they would have 30 babies all lined up in those rolling cribs. And some of those babies would have hair and some wouldn't and some would be super chubby and some would be super skinny. There were some that were 10 pounds and there were some that were five and there were skin in all different shades. But all of them are diapered, all of them are wrapped in a blanket and we're sitting there looking in the window. 

05:17 

What would we be thinking? Would we be standing there looking in that window trying to decide which baby was worth more? Would we be judging those little babies based on any of the factors that we just mentioned? Is one of those babies worth the most and another worth the least? Doesn't that just even seem ridiculous to think about? It seems ridiculous that we would look at these little babies and think that one was worth more than another. We would be looking through that window, looking at those babies in awe at how beautiful and perfect they all were, and we would be marveling at the lives that lay before them. There would be no judging, there would be no labeling, no deciding of which baby was worth more, because that doesn't exist. And it's so easy to see that when we look at these brand new little babies fresh from God's presence, right? We look at these little babies and every one of them is precious and completely worthy of God's love and of our love. 

06:22 

Okay, but let's make this a little bit more complicated. These babies start to grow up, right? So let's follow them a little bit. I'm going to intentionally use some very extreme examples here just to help us see how clear this is. And I know that these are ridiculous, but I'm going to use them anyway because they do happen, but I want to be very extreme here. So let's say that one of these beautiful babies goes to a home that struggles just to have enough food to eat, and they live in a small studio apartment in a very poor neighborhood. The parents work incredibly hard, but they love that baby immensely and they do everything within their power to provide. Sometimes they fall short, but these parents are good, service-oriented people. 

07:06 

Okay, let's say that another one of these babies goes to a huge home in a very expensive neighborhood where they have the finest of everything that money can buy. This baby has a spacious nursery, a nanny who helps out, designer name outfits that are only worn once, and their car seat sits in the back of a Mercedes van, right? And let's say we have yet a third child, one of these babies who goes to a modest home in the suburbs. There's a few other children in the home, and all of these children are sexually abused. Even the sweet baby who is just weeks old is not spared the ravages of the abusing parent. 

07:43 

So what is the worth of each of these tender babies? Does God love one of them more than the other two? Would we think that? Does God turn his back on the child who seems to have too much? Or what about the child who doesn't have enough? Or would God turn his back on the child who is abused? Would God think that any one of these children is worth less than the other? Can we really say that one of these innocent babies is worth less than the other two or that one is worth more? Doesn't that seem ridiculous? It seems crazy to even think that we would have that thought because we wouldn't. And we can so easily see at this young age that each of these beautiful, innocent children has the same worth. God loves them all the same. 

08:32 

These babies start to grow into children and as teenagers, let's say the child in the poorest of homes, develops a deep charity and compassion for other people. The child in the richest of homes is greatly loved, but possibly indulged a little too much and starts to become a bit of a wild child as this child seeks for attention from parents who have incredibly busy schedules. Whereas the child who's been abused and continues to be abused suffers from severe emotional issues and has started to act out in sexually abusive ways toward younger children. Now, how does God feel toward each of these teenagers? 

09:14 

We remember at this point that each of them is a product of their environment, something they had no control over when they were born. Each of them is doing the best they know how with the tools they've been given, with the morals that they've been taught, with the coping mechanisms that are serving them best as teenagers. Is one of these teenagers loved more by God? Is one of them loved more than the other two? Is one of them loved worse? I mean, is one of them worth less? Again, that seems like a ridiculous question because it's easy to see that each of these children has the same worth and that God loves them all the same. They're very different and they have very different challenges, but they're all still children of God. He loves them all the same. Their worth has not changed. 

10:03 

Do you remember that picture when we were kids that used to be passed around? It was kind of like our day's version of memes, you know, that people would make copies of things and hand them out to people. And it had this ornery-looking kid on it, and the caption said, "I know I'm somebody because God don't make no junk." You know, the thing is, that still applies here. So we look at these teenage kids and we go, "whoa, so not their fault." Regardless of where they are, whether they're in a great place or a struggling place or a really horrible place, we recognize that so much of that is beyond their control. 

10:44 

So let's ask this question. At what point does the worth of these children start to change? Is it when they become adults at 18? Should they know better by then? And so God now starts loving one more than the other? What about when they turn 30? Shouldn't they really have started to work through their issues by then and all be judged on the same scale? Should we think that the child who's become charitable and kind and who spends multiple hours a week during service in their community because that's all they've ever known, should we think that they are worth more than the child who's become an abuser because that's all they have ever known? And what about the other child who's become an alcoholic? 

11:26 

Surely God can't love all of these the same, can He? Can they all have the same worth? And if they're not all of the same worth at this point, when did it change? Did it change when they were taken home from the hospital and put in such diverse situations? Did it change when they began to speak and act in ways that were appropriate for their own home life? When they became old enough that they could determine what was right and wrong? And just when would that have been considering their various upbringings? We all have different ideas of what is right and wrong because of how we were raised. 

12:05 

And this is the deal: our worth is not something that changes based on where or how we were raised. Our worth does not change based on the things that we were taught were right or wrong as we were young children. And our worth does not change based on the coping mechanisms we've embraced to help us survive our challenges. Our worth was established before the day we were born, and it has never changed. Though my mind, my mortal mind, may want to conjure up all sorts of reasons or judgments toward people in different circumstances from my own, I have to remember that my mind is not the mind of God. And it doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says or does. Our worth in the sight of God is great and has never changed. And there's nothing we can do about that. 

13:03 

And the thing is, we don't actually build up our self-worth. What we do is discover it. Because our self-worth is always there. Just because we haven't seen it doesn't mean it's not there. We just have to discover it. I was looking online earlier today and I saw a three and three quarter carat colorless diamond solitaire for $70,000. Okay, now I'm just gonna, I'm not a huge diamond fan. I think they're pretty, but I would be just as happy with a cubic zirconium. I'm not big into that kind of stuff. But just because I'm not a huge fan and because I would never spend $70,000 for a diamond doesn't diminish the value of that diamond at all. The diamond is still worth that much money, even though I would never pay it. 

13:59 

So what if I had that in a ring and I wore that ring to run the Dirty Dash, which is a mud run, and it got all muddy? Would it still be worth the same amount? Yeah, you bet it would be. It wouldn't change. What if it fell out of the setting and I had to get it fixed? It would still be worth the same amount, right? It doesn't matter what happens to that diamond. It will still be worth the same amount. And so it is with us. It doesn't matter what challenges we faced. It doesn't matter what great choices we've made or what sins we've committed. We are still worth the same amount. And in God's eyes, our worth does not diminish one bit because of our struggles or because of our strengths or our weaknesses or our blind spots. But deciding that I want to believe in my worthiness is one of the most important decisions that I will ever make. 

14:59 

And helping other people to believe in their worthiness is the second most important decision I will ever make. Because just like the diamond, our worth never changes. So what is going on with our imperfect mortal thinking here that causes us to think that it does? What causes us to get lost and to lose our sense of worth? Well, I think there are two main things that we  get hung up on that cause us to think that our worth changes. The first is the idea that we have to be perfect. And here's where we start confusing our worth with our worthiness. Again, not the same things, remember? 

15:45 

So Jeffrey R. Holland has this quote that he said, "except for Jesus, there have been no flawless performances on this earthly journey we are pursuing. So while in mortality, let's strive for steady improvement without obsessing over what behavioral scientists call toxic perfectionism." I love that phrase, toxic perfectionism. Really, it is toxics. It's poisonous to us. These unrealistic expectations that cause us to judge ourselves so unfairly, we think that that diamond should never get dirty or fall out of the setting. Well, that's ridiculous. That's part of life. Part of life is that those things happen, right? We are humans. Humans who make mistakes and are just trying to figure it all out. Imperfect humans at that. And we don't have all the information or all the tools right now to make a perfect decision. 

16:45 

God did not give us a perfect knowledge when we were born, and He didn't place us in a perfect world. And because of that, He does not expect us to be perfect in this life. We're just expected to stay on the path as much as possible or even just cross that path as often as possible and just keep heading in the right direction. In fact, I don't even think we need to be better today than yesterday. That phrase that says, "all I need to do is be better today than yesterday," I struggle with that. And I struggle with it because you know what? Sometimes that just isn't possible. Some days I have a really great day and it's amazing. And the next day I might have something happen that just throws me out of my game, throws me off the path, and really I struggle, struggle to have the thoughts that I want to have. Some days it's just not better to be better than yesterday. 

17:43 

But if I'm still looking in the right direction and if I'm just trying, if I just keep looking to Christ to pick up the slack and to bless me with his mercy, if I just try and cross that path as often as possible, I'm in a great place. And this idea of being perfect is so destructive. There's an author named Michael Law, and I love this quote that he says, he says, "at its root, perfectionism isn't about a deep love of being meticulous. It's not about wanting everything to be perfectly in place. It's about fear. Fear of making a mistake, fear of disappointing others, fear of failure, fear of success." I love that because it's fear of other people, fear of the judgments of other people. Perfectionism is about fear at its core, and fear does not come from God. 

18:51 

Making the same statement but in a different way, Brene Brown says, "perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: 'If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.'" And boy, if that doesn't speak to my perfectionist tendencies, the pride of wanting others to see me and not shame, judge, or blame me, wanting to seem perfect so I'm not criticized, that's what speaks to me for sure. And that is where it becomes dangerous, right? I'm judging myself and my worth on what I think other people are thinking. And so I want to be perfect. And that's just harmful. So perfectionism, I think, is the first thing that really, really keeps us from recognizing and discovering our own worth. 

19:50 

The second one I want to talk about is competition. And competition, looking at other people and judging ourselves based on where other people are, is huge in the destruction category. So here's three really amazing ideas about competition about from three quotes that I want to read to you. Theodore Roosevelt, first of all, said, "comparison is the thief of joy." Don't you just love that? When I'm constantly comparing myself to others, I'm inundated with thoughts about how much I don't have or about how much I'm not. And those feelings of lack in my life take away my joy. My mortal mind starts to equate that, my lack, with my inherent worth. It's like I'm a diamond covered in mud and I can't see past the mud to see what's really going on there, to see that there's actually a gorgeous diamond underneath there. 

20:49 

Elder Gary Stevenson said, "comparing our own seemingly average existence with others' well-edited, perfectly crafted lives as represented on social media may leave us with feelings of discouragement, envy, and even failure." The thing is, the vast majority of us don't put all of our dirty laundry on social media. Some people do, but most of us don't. And I don't think I've even ever put a picture of myself on social media without makeup on. So I'm thinking that maybe it's time. So if you follow me on Facebook, look for one because I'm going to put one on there because, yeah, I just don't. I think it's time to do that. Most of us don't show up to church in our dirtiest clothing, not having showered for three days, right? Most of us do a panic  clean of the house before our friends come over. We have this imaginary standard of thinking that other people's lives are so much more put together than ours, and if we were only good enough, we could be as good as them. 

21:56 

You know what? It is so time to get over this nonsense. Every single one of us is a human struggling in different areas to figure out this thing called life. Every one of us. And somebody may always have a clean house, but there's something else that's going awry in their lives that they're struggling with. You know, every one of us has our strengths and every one of us has our weaknesses and they don't match up with other people's. And so to try and compare all of that when we were all raised with different ideas and different understandings of what's appropriate and what's not and what's right and what's wrong, there's just nothing we can compare there. 

22:37 

Let me read you one last quote that I love. This is from Elder J. Devin Cornish, and he says, "we must stop comparing ourselves to others. We torture ourselves needlessly by competing and comparing. We falsely judge our self-worth by the things we do or don't have and by the opinions of others." So again, our self-worth has nothing to do with the things we do or don't have. It has nothing to do with what other people do or don't have. And all of that has nothing to do with my worthiness. My worth always has been great in the eyes of God, and it will never change in the eyes of God. He will always love me and cherish me and want the absolute best for me. We are enough. We are enough before God even with all of our flaws and weaknesses and struggles and imperfections. We are enough even if we don't have as much as our friend down the street or even if our hair isn't as beautiful and thick as theirs. We're enough even if we don't like to wear makeup or keep a clean house. 

23:47 

And guess what? We're enough even if we've never gotten married or if we've gotten divorced or if we've become widowed. We're enough whether we have 10 kids or three kids or no kids. We're enough whether we have been able to be a stay-at home mom or whether we've worked outside the home for all of our adult lives. We're enough whether there are flowers in our flower beds or even if we never got any planted this year or any year. We're enough even if there are dishes in the sink. We're enough even if we've been physically or sexually abused. We are enough if we've sinned before God and are struggling to find our way back or even if we're not struggling to find our way back. We're enough if we don't read our scriptures every day and we're enough if we struggle to connect with God in prayer. We're enough even if we yelled at our kids or our husband today or even if we yelled at ourselves. We're just enough. 

24:47 

We don't have anything to prove to anyone, especially to God. We are always enough for Him. He knows our value regardless of our challenges. He knows our value regardless of our weaknesses. He knows everything that is good about us and everything that is bad about us, and he loves us and accepts us anyway. Our worth has already been decided and there's nothing we can do about it. The thing is we're all amazing. I'm amazing. But you know what? I can't take any credit for that. I'm just amazing because God made me that way. 

25:26 

And you know what? You are amazing. And you can't take any credit for that either because that's just the way that God created you. And because of that, we are enough. Regardless of what we've done or haven't done, we were born enough and we continue to be enough as we struggle through this journey of life. Gosh, I love growing up. Don't you? I love learning this and understanding it and embracing it. Growing up is just awesome. I think it's just one of the best things ever. I'm so glad to be here. 

26:07 

So here's the deal, my friends. If you feel it's time to step up your game and dive deep into learning how to more effectively and confidently embrace your worth, contact me at tanyahell.com and book a free 20 minute coaching session and I'll help you get started. I would love to help you get to a place of embracing your amazing self. And just to close up today, if you feel this podcast is adding value to your life, please do a few things for me. First of all, subscribe and then leave a review for me. I would love that. And then if you will share this with other people who you feel would benefit from this, that would be fabulous and amazing to help be able to add value to the lives of more people. That's it for today. I hope that you have a terrific day and I will see you next time here on Intentional Living. See you later. Bye.